Can you pass the snowflake test?

Discussion, in general

Re: Can you pass the snowflake test?

Postby Anglerphobe » Tue Feb 13, 2018 10:21 pm

The British tabloids, presumably enticed by the success of terrible journalists on the opposite side of the ocean, have adopted the term Snowflake in the past few months. They don't seem to have grasped exactly what the term means yet, though, or how to use it. Today, they all ran the same boilerplate story about "Snowflakes" apparently banning a pancake race (a tradition of Shrove Tuesday involving people racing while flipping pancakes in a pan as they run) on grounds of health and safety.
Insofar as snowflake means anything in particular as a pejorative, I don't think that the molehill mountaineers of this country have used it correctly there, or at least in the sense that their American equivalents do. I do find it quite funny that they don't even bother to use idiotic buzzwords correctly.
  • 8

"Tusser, they tell me, when thou wert alive,
Thou, teaching thrift, thyselfe couldst never thrive.
So, like the whetstone, many men are wont
To sharpen others, when themselves are blunt."

Don't you dare go Hollow.
User avatar
Anglerphobe
TCS Junkie
TCS Junkie
 
Posts: 2057
Joined: Fri Mar 06, 2015 6:03 pm
Show rep
Title: round Earth shill

Re: Can you pass the snowflake test?

Postby Absentia » Tue Feb 13, 2018 10:30 pm

If applied to work somewhere and they gave me a questionnaire like that, I'd tell them I wasn't interested in the job. I don't want to work for somebody who chooses employees based on their opinions about gun control
  • 12

User avatar
Absentia
TCS Moderator
TCS Moderator
 
Posts: 1502
Joined: Mon Feb 09, 2015 4:46 am
Location: Earth
Show rep

Re: Can you pass the snowflake test?

Postby CarrieVS » Tue Feb 13, 2018 10:31 pm

Shut your outdated nonsense, Fudge, or I'll hex you.

I dunno, next thing you'll be saying us lefties are witches.
  • 9

Scarik wrote:I'm not dead. I'm invading Kent
User avatar
CarrieVS
TCS Redshirt
TCS Redshirt
 
Posts: 6882
Joined: Sat Apr 20, 2013 7:43 pm
Location: By my wild self in the wet wild woods waving my wild tail
Show rep
Title: Swamp Thing

Re: Can you pass the snowflake test?

Postby Fun With Mr. Fudge » Tue Feb 13, 2018 11:12 pm

CarrieVS wrote:Shut your outdated nonsense, Fudge, or I'll hex you.


A hex? Typical. You lefties are obsessed with six-related things. Six education, sixual liberation, transsixualism. Hexagons. Hexes. How about you watch some Al-hex Jones and get some knowledge in that brainwashed noggin of yours?

I dunno, next thing you'll be saying us lefties are witches.


It's not my fault that lefties are etymologically and statistically sinister. The fact that you're also preoccupied with six, Satan's number, just adds to that evilness. And my nonsense ain't outdated. If the universe is billions of years old, then research from 1903 is pretty dang recent.
  • 7

Last edited by Fun With Mr. Fudge on Tue Feb 13, 2018 11:15 pm, edited 1 time in total.
User avatar
Fun With Mr. Fudge
Frequent Poster
Frequent Poster
 
Posts: 127
Joined: Tue May 19, 2015 8:54 pm
Show rep
Title: Jackbooted Hug

Re: Can you pass the snowflake test?

Postby CarrieVS » Tue Feb 13, 2018 11:14 pm

*Hexes Fudge*

Three times. I know how three is your favourite number of sixes...
  • 6

Scarik wrote:I'm not dead. I'm invading Kent
User avatar
CarrieVS
TCS Redshirt
TCS Redshirt
 
Posts: 6882
Joined: Sat Apr 20, 2013 7:43 pm
Location: By my wild self in the wet wild woods waving my wild tail
Show rep
Title: Swamp Thing

Re: Can you pass the snowflake test?

Postby Fun With Mr. Fudge » Tue Feb 13, 2018 11:18 pm

CarrieVS wrote:*Hexes Fudge*

Three times. I know how three is your favourite number of sixes...


Good things come in threes. And as long as I have God all-righty on my side, I'll be fine.
  • 3

User avatar
Fun With Mr. Fudge
Frequent Poster
Frequent Poster
 
Posts: 127
Joined: Tue May 19, 2015 8:54 pm
Show rep
Title: Jackbooted Hug

Re: Can you pass the snowflake test?

Postby satan_n_stuff » Sun Feb 18, 2018 1:10 pm

CarrieVS wrote:
Fun With Mr. Fudge wrote:5. How do you feel about guns?
...In sinister hands they’re terrifying.


Your dextronormative attitude is microaggressing me.

If there's a gun in my sinister hand you should be terrified, because if that's the case I've probably got one in the other one as well and there's no telling who or what I might hit.
I'm not actually stupid enough to try that, but I am ambidextrous and I normally shoot right handed.
  • 3

Image
"edit: satan_n_stuff beat me to it " was also the entry god made in his journal after "tomorrow I'll make animals for Australia" - Flotze
"But you're beautiful Satan. You can do modeling or porn or something." - cmsellers
User avatar
satan_n_stuff
Frequent Poster
Frequent Poster
 
Posts: 234
Joined: Wed Nov 18, 2015 3:24 pm
Show rep
Title: The Dark One

Re: Can you pass the snowflake test?

Postby blehblah » Sun Feb 18, 2018 11:58 pm

As a smart-ass; didn't yet read everyone else's
1. Outside of standard benefits, what benefits should a company offer employees?
Snowshoes and snowblowers, so we can walk all over the snowflakes, and then clean-up the mess.

2. What should the national minimum wage be?
Trick question; it shouldn't be national. It should be based on the least amount of money someone can be hired for in any given situation.

3. How many sick days should be given to employees?
I'm okay with five, unless you're planning on making them really sick, like say, the crew who cleans the dead animals out of tailings ponds, in which case six, max, and if they drop dead at day seven, you claw-back that action.

4. How often should employees get raises?
Trick question; set raises are for the pussies who are too scared to demand they be compensated based on their ability to advance themselves, and the organization. Since raises don't advance the organization, the answer is never. Only through promotion, where the employee has advanced themselves on the unworthy carcasses of their coworkers, is enhanced compensation deserved.

5. How do you feel about guns?
Trick question; feelings are for the weak.

6. What are your feelings about employees or clients carrying guns?
Trick question; feelings are for the weak.

7. What are your feelings about safe spaces in challenging work environments?
Trick question; feelings are for the weak.

8. In a creative environment like The Silent Partner Marketing, what do you envision work attire looking like?
Trick question; the attire is what the leadership of the organization envisions work attire looking like (just like what I envision awkward phrasing sounding like).

9. Should “trigger warnings” be issued before we release content for clients or the company that might be considered “controversial”?
Trick question; being "triggered" is a construct of modern political correctness, and therefore does not exist. It is impossible to warn against what does not exist. Or is this about guns? If guns, uhm - no? No! I'm settling on "no".

10. How do you feel about police?
Trick question; feelings are for the weak.

11. If you owned the company and were to find out that a client is operating unethically but was a high paying client…how would you handle it?
Trick question; a high-paying customer cannot be found to be operating unethically, because ethics are relative.

12. When was the last time you cried and why?
Trick question; feelings are for the weak.

13. You arrive at an event for work and there’s a major celebrity you’ve always wanted to meet. What happens next?
Trick question; my wants are those of the organization. If the organization wants me to meet a major celebrity, I will want to meet the major celebrity, in order to introduce my immediate supervisor to the major celebrity, and possibly debase myself to make my immediate supervisor look less like an idiot.

14. What’s your favorite kind of adult beverage?
Whatever my boss likes, unless someone more senior likes something else and is nearby, though I assume my boss likes what my boss' boss likes, unless he's a total snowflake, hipster, who exists only for me to destroy.

15. What’s the best way to communicate with clients?
A fine blend of discreet escorts and obnoxious purchase orders.

16. What’s your favorite thing to do in your free time?
Trick question; my free time belongs to the organization.

17. What are your thoughts on the current college environment as it pertains to a future workforce?
I will stomp upon the carcasses of those who are my juniors at the organization, thereby respecting and propagating the superior culture of the superior organization as exemplified by the superior management team of the superior organization.

18. What’s your typical breakfast?
In the immortal words of Shooter McGavin, "You're in big trouble though, pal. I eat pieces of shit like you for breakfast!"

19. What’s your favorite drink when you go to a coffeehouse?
Trick question; the closest I've come to a coffehouse was when my ex-girlfriend switched the channel from ESPN to a rerun of a show called "Friends".

20. How do you handle bullies?
If the bully can handle himself, I feel no need to lend a hand.

21. How do you handle it when your ideas are shot down?
My ideas are only those of my management, therefore, they are never shot-down.

22. What do you do if a coworker comes to the table with an idea and it sucks?
I point-out all the ways that it isn't the same idea which management has already had, and therefore sucks.

23. What does the first amendment mean to you?
My financial superiors can say what they want, along with people who agree with my financial superiors. All other thoughts and expressions are reprehensible and dangerous.

24. What does faith mean to you?
I have faith that money can buy happiness, and my faith can be procured with the promise of money.

25. Who is your role model and why?
You, because you are the greatest question-asker, ever.

26. “You’re in Starbucks with two friends. Someone runs in and says someone is coming in with a gun in 15 seconds to shoot patrons. They offer you a gun. Do you take it? What do you do next?”
Trick question; I would never enter a Starbucks without enough guns to defend myself against hippies. Assuming I'm somehow unarmed, if someone ran in with a spare gun while raving about the next someone who is about to run in with one gun, it's obviously a false-flag operation (because no real human would give their gun to a random stranger is such a situation), so I'd shoot both the first and second gun-totting hippies.

27. What does America mean to you?
Let me show you the tattoos.

28. You see someone stepping on an American flag. What do you do?
I would immediately determine who let the flag be in a position such that it could be stepped-on, who the stepper-on was, and screamingly ensure they understand my first-amendment right to express my extreme disappointment.

29. What does “privilege” mean to you?
Okay, this is question fucking twenty-nine, dude. Seriously? Most of these are, frankly, moronic, and in the real world, not likely to find you people who are actually better at what they would, or could, do for your company. People with original, creative thoughts lost you right around question 5. In-fact, rather than putting people through this tiresome exercise, why don't you have the courage of your convictions and list exactly what type of person you want to hire, rather than this passive-aggressive charade? Yeah, I said, "charade". So, "privilege"? You having applicants grovel through a questionnaire like this because you are frightened by anything which is different from whatever magical ideal you have built in your head, you are in a position to actually do it, and you are actually doing it. That is the exercise of privilege. For the good of your organization, you should not be in-charge of vetting any new-hires, but look, here you are! A person doing a job they should, by all accounts, not be doing - does that definition fit with you, slappy? Caveat: I recognize that you, as the giant CEO of a conservative marketing outfit I've not heard of before today are undertaking a marketing exercise, and probably don't really give two shits about who works for you, so long as they do the work well, which is, like, so meta.

30. What’s more important? Book smarts or street smarts? Why?
I'm pretty-sure that based on my last twenty-nine answers, either I have the job, or I don't. In-case I didn't quite seal the deal, I'll go ahead with this one. The question is built on false pretenses. Sure, there are folks with plenty of theoretical knowledge, and there are folks with plenty of practical knowledge. Nobody actually exists in either world exclusively. That being said, and taking the question with a heavy dose of the idiomatic; there is no answer, because no context has been provided. On the other hand, people who ask that question on something like a "snowflake test" tend (and lo, here I go with the stereotyping, goodness me!) have one answer in mind.

Obviously, the book learning.


EDIT: LaoWai, Australia, and Malf had me cracking-up.

HIRED! Wait, there's only one job? FIGHT!

Also, here's an article: http://www.independent.co.uk/news/busin ... 46686.html

Oh, hey - here they are on GlassDoor.com: https://www.glassdoor.ca/Reviews/Silent ... 367583.htm

That features Kyle responding to one review thusly:

Hi "digital content creator"!

Thanks so much for taking the time to leave a fake review. Glad to see that all of our media exposure triggered you so much that you took the time to stop playing video games and create a fake account! It was *almost* believable, as you pointed out that we have great staff.

That being said...you showed your lie in a couple of areas. I'll help you so you can go create another fake account and try again.

First of all, we have yet to have any employees work with us for just six months or less.

Second, we don't actually do "digital marking" and we wouldn't be silly enough to hire someone who doesn't even spell check their fake reviews.

Third...we've never hired anyone from Worcester MA.

So perhaps more job hunting and less fake reviews after being triggered? I'm sure mommy wants you out of her basement by now!

Sincerely,

Kyle S. Reyes
President / CEO

PS - Slander is illegal and can cost you lots and lots of money. Might want to be a little more cautious when creating lies.


Sadly, I'd have to sign-up to see the rest of the reviews, and I'm just not that interested. Fun stuff, though.
  • 8

A quantum state of signature may or may not be here... you just ruined it.
User avatar
blehblah
TCS Junkie
TCS Junkie
 
Posts: 3872
Joined: Sun Apr 14, 2013 9:16 pm
Show rep
Title: Error General, Panic Colonel

Re: Can you pass the snowflake test?

Postby reallifegirl » Fri Feb 23, 2018 9:54 pm

I am genuinely curious as to what the dividing line is between "acceptable" and "snowflake" is for some of these questions.

What coffee do you order?

"I get a vanilla latte." "Okay."

"I get an iced vanilla latte" "GO FUCK YOURSELF"
  • 12

"I can believe things that are true and things that aren't true and I can believe things where nobody knows if they're true or not."

Encyclopedia Dramatica wrote:Reallifegirl: Is supposedly a girl in real life, but we all know that's false. Gets highest comment roughly 75% of the time, and has never had a single red-thumbed comment. Ever.
User avatar
reallifegirl
Time Waster
Time Waster
 
Posts: 1609
Joined: Tue Apr 16, 2013 5:21 pm
Show rep
Title: Officially allegedly female

Re: Can you pass the snowflake test?

Postby Malfeasinator » Sat Feb 24, 2018 8:20 pm

reallifegirl wrote:I am genuinely curious as to what the dividing line is between "acceptable" and "snowflake" is for some of these questions.

What coffee do you order?

"I get a vanilla latte." "Okay."

"I get an iced vanilla latte" "GO FUCK YOURSELF"


"Caramel macchiato, usually." "STOP." "What?" "You're not allowed to just make up words. Get out of here."
  • 8

Are you dreaming?
Are you dreaming?
User avatar
Malfeasinator
TCS Camper
TCS Camper
 
Posts: 949
Joined: Sat Jul 27, 2013 5:17 pm
Location: Kentucky
Show rep
Title: You know, just some guy

Re: Can you pass the snowflake test?

Postby Australia » Sat Feb 24, 2018 10:48 pm

Question 31: What does macchiato mean to you?
  • 9

YamI JamesT Eyebrows Edgar Logan Eric Michael Tess Sunny Notch Kate Jamish Lao Carp Moo FaceCitizen Aquila Nisi Qinglong Chaise Nullbert NotCIAagent JackRoad Delta MURDA Bert Czar Ambi JulyJack Adric Marcuse SilverMaple Nudge 52xMax Damiana Doma Pumpkin Toy Fry Andro Carrie Snarky Royal RLG Pikajew Windy skooma Kleiner Java Sellers Piter Gisarmbards Grimstone Recluse Esteban Syrup Krashlia Twistappel MacReady Funkotron mcfooty Pseudoman Creepy Kivutar nerd Ladki Jim Youghurt satan GL Angler
Deathclaw_Pyroncher
User avatar
Australia
Resident Dickhead
Resident Dickhead
 
Posts: 4137
Joined: Sun Apr 21, 2013 6:15 pm
Location: Take a wild guess
Show rep
Title: H8 Week but the H8 has 8 in it

Re: Can you pass the snowflake test?

Postby jbobsully11 » Sun Feb 25, 2018 12:10 am

Australia wrote:Question 31: What does macchiato mean to you?

“Is that some newfangled dance move the Commies are pushing on the kids?”
  • 6

Crimson847 wrote:In other words, transgender-friendly privacy laws don't molest people, people molest people.

(Presumably, the only way to stop a bad guy with a transgender-friendly privacy law is a good guy with a transgender-friendly privacy law, and thus transgender-friendly privacy law rights need to be enshrined in the Constitution as well)
User avatar
jbobsully11
TCS Moderator
TCS Moderator
 
Posts: 3034
Joined: Mon Apr 15, 2013 10:22 pm
Location: not the outskirts of nowhere anymore, NJ, USA
Show rep
Title: The Sporadically Employed

Re: Can you pass the snowflake test?

Postby JamishT » Sun Feb 25, 2018 4:21 am

Australia wrote:Question 31: What does macchiato mean to you?


That guy from Karate Kid!
  • 8

JamishT was a heck of a guy,
With a devilish twinkle in his eye.
With his hand-picked flowers,
And his feel-good powers,
He made all the girls blush and sigh.
User avatar
JamishT
TCS ModerBlobber
TCS ModerBlobber
 
Posts: 5261
Joined: Tue Apr 16, 2013 4:31 pm
Location: KC, MO, AMERICA
Show rep
Title: The Wannabe Adult

Re: Can you pass the snowflake test?

Postby selena81 » Sat Mar 03, 2018 12:07 am

trick question. all of them. the only way to get hired is to walk in, inform the boss that you just killed his entire family, and demand the best job as a reward for weeding out those weaklings, LIKE A MAN.
  • 10

selena81
Commenter
Commenter
 
Posts: 17
Joined: Thu Feb 16, 2017 12:42 am
Show rep

Re: Can you pass the snowflake test?

Postby Malfeasinator » Sat Mar 17, 2018 2:29 am

I think you're just supposed to write "Jesus" for all of them, and then say that Jesus is always the answer, and you're in.
  • 6

Are you dreaming?
Are you dreaming?
User avatar
Malfeasinator
TCS Camper
TCS Camper
 
Posts: 949
Joined: Sat Jul 27, 2013 5:17 pm
Location: Kentucky
Show rep
Title: You know, just some guy

Previous

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 3 guests