Can you pass the snowflake test?

Discussion, in general

Can you pass the snowflake test?

Postby cmsellers » Sun Feb 11, 2018 6:30 am

So apparently some guy who runs a marketing company got fed up with entitled Millennial Bernie Bros applying to work at the company he runs and decided to create a "snowflake test" for job applicants. It was then hyped up by conservative media outlets and he finally published the actual test.

Kyle S. Reyes wrote:The Snowflake Test
  1. Outside of standard benefits, what benefits should a company offer employees?
  2. What should the national minimum wage be?
  3. How many sick days should be given to employees?
  4. How often should employees get raises?
  5. How do you feel about guns?
  6. What are your feelings about employees or clients carrying guns?
  7. What are your feelings about safe spaces in challenging work environments?
  8. In a creative environment like The Silent Partner Marketing, what do you envision work attire looking like?
  9. Should “trigger warnings” be issued before we release content for clients or the company that might be considered “controversial”?
  10. How do you feel about police?
  11. If you owned the company and were to find out that a client is operating unethically but was a high paying client…how would you handle it?
  12. When was the last time you cried and why?
  13. You arrive at an event for work and there’s a major celebrity you’ve always wanted to meet. What happens next?
  14. What’s your favorite kind of adult beverage?
  15. What’s the best way to communicate with clients?
  16. What’s your favorite thing to do in your free time?
  17. What are your thoughts on the current college environment as it pertains to a future workforce?
  18. What’s your typical breakfast?
  19. What’s your favorite drink when you go to a coffeehouse?
  20. How do you handle bullies?
  21. How do you handle it when your ideas are shot down?
  22. What do you do if a coworker comes to the table with an idea and it sucks?
  23. What does the first amendment mean to you?
  24. What does faith mean to you?
  25. Who is your role model and why?
  26. “You’re in Starbucks with two friends. Someone runs in and says someone is coming in with a gun in 15 seconds to shoot patrons. They offer you a gun. Do you take it? What do you do next?”
  27. What does America mean to you?
  28. You see someone stepping on an American flag. What do you do?
  29. What does “privilege” mean to you?
  30. What’s more important? Book smarts or street smarts? Why?


My answers, if I were taking this test and answering honestly, which I wouldn't be stupid enough to do
1. Outside of standard benefits, what benefits should a company offer employees?
Assuming standard benefits are health, dental, sick/personal days, and paid vacations, then companies should also offer flexible hours, the ability to telecommute, and performance-based bonus pay whenever these things are feasible.

2. What should the national minimum wage be?
$12.

3. How many sick days should be given to employees?
Four, plus additional days, possibly unpaid, with a doctor's note.

4. How often should employees get raises?
Often enough to keep up with cost-of-living, plus additional raises commensurate with baseline performance.

5. How do you feel about guns?
Guns are awesome and I'd like to own several someday but I don't actually believe that they represent a Constitutionally-protected right.

6. What are your feelings about employees or clients carrying guns?
Cool, good for them.

7. What are your feelings about safe spaces in challenging work environments?
If you need a safe space to do your job, you probably can't do your job.

8. In a creative environment like The Silent Partner Marketing, what do you envision work attire looking like?
Black turtlenecks and mandatory Apple products.

9. Should “trigger warnings” be issued before we release content for clients or the company that might be considered “controversial”?
Only if the client asks.

10. How do you feel about police?
In America? A necessary evil.

11. If you owned the company and were to find out that a client is operating unethically but was a high paying client…how would you handle it?
If the behavior was legal, I'd drop them if I thought it should be illegal and otherwise continue on as normal. If the behavior is in fact illegal I'd drop them and see if there are any tiplines I can turn them into to somewhat make up for the loss.

12. When was the last time you cried and why?
When I got kicked out of grad school. Because I'm a miserable failure of a human being.

13. You arrive at an event for work and there’s a major celebrity you’ve always wanted to meet. What happens next?
I introduce myself at the first opportunity and ask a question I don't think they get asked a lot.

14. What’s your favorite kind of adult beverage?
Not applicable, I don't drink.

15. What’s the best way to communicate with clients?
Email for most things, face-to-face for the initial meeting and presenting new pitches.

16. What’s your favorite thing to do in your free time?
Sleep.

17. What are your thoughts on the current college environment as it pertains to a future workforce?
Professors generally discourage people from studying something simply because it might be useful in your future work. They really should recognize that the reason people goes to college has changed and get with the times.

18. What’s your typical breakfast?
A quesadilla with carnitas and corn tortillas.

19. What’s your favorite drink when you go to a coffeehouse?
Hot chocolate if they have it, cafe mocha if they don't.

20. How do you handle bullies?
By tattling.

21. How do you handle it when your ideas are shot down?
Keep raising the idea until I wear people down and they agree to it.

22. What do you do if a coworker comes to the table with an idea and it sucks?
Point out all the issues, ideally through questions.

23. What does the first amendment mean to you?
That America is better on free speech than any other country in the world.

24. What does faith mean to you?
That I need to tread carefully around anyone who has it.

25. Who is your role model and why?
Konrad Lorenz, because he always tried to challenge his own hypotheses.

26. “You’re in Starbucks with two friends. Someone runs in and says someone is coming in with a gun in 15 seconds to shoot patrons. They offer you a gun. Do you take it? What do you do next?”
I don't take it because I don't have a carry permit and have no experience shooting guns. Instead I run into the bathroom and lock myself in.

27. What does America mean to you?
It's the country where I grew up.

28. You see someone stepping on an American flag. What do you do?
Walk on by.

29. What does “privilege” mean to you?
That whoever used it is someone I should probably avoid.

30. What’s more important? Book smarts or street smarts? Why?
Street smarts, since I have book smarts and fail at everything.


My answers, if I were taking this test and being a smartass
1. Outside of standard benefits, what benefits should a company offer employees?
Whatever Google does, plus free tickets to Hamilton.

2. What should the national minimum wage be?
Image

3. How many sick days should be given to employees?
365, 366 on leap years.

4. How often should employees get raises?
Never. Any employee who stays with the same company for a whole year should get their salary decreased since they're clearly a sucker.

5. How do you feel about guns?
They're good for shooting stuff with.

6. What are your feelings about employees or clients carrying guns?
Image

7. What are your feelings about safe spaces in challenging work environments?
If you're going to create them, you should hire someone other than the UN to enforce them.

8. In a creative environment like The Silent Partner Marketing, what do you envision work attire looking like?
Clothing optional.

9. Should “trigger warnings” be issued before we release content for clients or the company that might be considered “controversial”?
Only if we're warning them that we're all armed and ready to pull the trigger.

10. How do you feel about police?
They're like killer bees. You kill just one and they'll never leave you alone.

11. If you owned the company and were to find out that a client is operating unethically but was a high paying client…how would you handle it?
Blackmail.

12. When was the last time you cried and why?
When Trump became president, because he's a big ugly meanie-face whom I have no legitimate reasons to dislike.

13. You arrive at an event for work and there’s a major celebrity you’ve always wanted to meet. What happens next?
I hold them up at gunpoint so I can take lots of selfies.

14. What’s your favorite kind of adult beverage?
Softcore, ideally with bondage.

15. What’s the best way to communicate with clients?
Via telegraph. It was good enough for Lincoln during the Civil War; do our clients think they're better than Lincoln?

16. What’s your favorite thing to do in your free time?
Waste it.

17. What are your thoughts on the current college environment as it pertains to a future workforce?
We need more school shootings to toughen up today's pussy snowflake college students.

18. What’s your typical breakfast?
Wheaties.

19. What’s your favorite drink when you go to a coffeehouse?
Tea.

20. How do you handle bullies?
That depends. Does the bully have a gun too?

21. How do you handle it when your ideas are shot down?
Shoot down the person who shot down my idea with the gun you let me bring to work.

22. What do you do if a coworker comes to the table with an idea and it sucks?
Tell them their idea sucks and they should kill themself. Helpfully offer the gun you let me bring to work.

23. What does the first amendment mean to you?
That I can set a crowded movie theater on fire and no one can do anything about it and that you don't understand capitalization.

24. What does faith mean to you?
That you believe things without any reason to do so.

25. Who is your role model and why?
Charlie Manson, because he knew what he wanted and how to get it.

26. “You’re in Starbucks with two friends. Someone runs in and says someone is coming in with a gun in 15 seconds to shoot patrons. They offer you a gun. Do you take it? What do you do next?”
I take the gun and throw it at the shooter's head.

27. What does America mean to you?
We should call it "Themerica" seeing as there's only one.

28. You see someone stepping on an American flag. What do you do?
Douse them in kerosene and set both the protester and the flag on fire.

29. What does “privilege” mean to you?
Merriam-Webster defines "privilege" as...

30. What’s more important? Book smarts or street smarts? Why?
Book smarts, because if you're on the street the cops will probably throw the book at you.
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Re: Can you pass the snowflake test?

Postby Anglerphobe » Sun Feb 11, 2018 7:26 am

When you introduced this, I expected it to be bizarre and contrived. On reading it, I realise that it's also really reaching for 30 questions.
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Re: Can you pass the snowflake test?

Postby KleinerKiller » Sun Feb 11, 2018 8:49 am

The whole snowflake thing is obviously mind-bogglingly stupid horseshit as is, but the very fact of someone publicly making a test to weed out "snowflakes" that boils down to "I don't want you here if you don't think exactly like I do in every minute way because differing opinions make me angry" just really makes you appreciate the sheer lack of self-awareness on display.

That being said, would I pass the test?

Spoiler: show
1. Outside of standard benefits, what benefits should a company offer employees?

What Sellers said.

2. What should the national minimum wage be?

$10 an hour, non-flexible (meaning waitstaff and other tip-based service industry employees must not be allowed to have it shaved off by their employers to compensate for expected tips).

3. How many sick days should be given to employees?

Around 3-5 per month as a basic amount, with possible additions made depending on the sanitation of the job and how many people / vectors for infection the position requires you to interact with regularly.

4. How often should employees get raises?

Raises should be given for any work that is above the standard requirement, with the size of the raise determined based on how far above the baseline the work is.

5. How do you feel about guns?

I'm fine with owning them after background checks, and I'm totally down with fictional depictions of them in a cool way. I'm not fine with the culture of worship that's developed around them, which is a sexual fetish at this point (if it weren't, this question wouldn't be on this test). Pass the checks and own and use it responsibly, no problems from me.

6. What are your feelings about employees or clients carrying guns?

Personal discomfort, but again, if the owner proves themselves responsible in both actions and attitude, it's no big deal

7. What are your feelings about safe spaces in challenging work environments?

This is an impossible question to answer honestly because of the vast gulf between the snowflake-testing conservative definition of safe spaces, the extreme Jezebel-reading liberal definition, and the honest moderate definition. It's a term so diluted and co-opted that I no longer really have any opinion on it.

TL;DR: Stuff it up your urethra.

8. In a creative environment like The Silent Partner Marketing, what do you envision work attire looking like?

If this test is in any way representative of the workplace, mandatory flannel button-up shirts, denim jeans, and bright red baseball caps.

9. Should “trigger warnings” be issued before we release content for clients or the company that might be considered “controversial”?

I would say to use your best "judgement" and take it on a case-by-case basis, but this is a "snowflake" hunt, so we're working with "broad" sweeping generalizations and "liberal" misuse of "quotation marks".

10. How do you feel about police?

Most of them are honest and trying to do good, but there's too little punishment for the ones who abuse their power or make fatal screw-ups, too much leniency for corruption in the leadership, and the system is fundamentally fucked from the ground up.

11. If you owned the company and were to find out that a client is operating unethically but was a high paying client…how would you handle it?

1) Just to be clear, this test is insinuating that the snowflake thing to do would be to drop the client and report them legally, and that a real red-blooded American shouldn't care about that. Just so we're clear.

2) Drop the client and report them by whatever legal means are warranted by the level of misconduct.

3) Stuff it all the way up there, jackass.

12. When was the last time you cried and why?

At the end of the last episode of Inuyashiki: Last Hero, because it was profoundly moving and I'm shameless.

13. You arrive at an event for work and there’s a major celebrity you’ve always wanted to meet. What happens next?

Something immensely embarrassing and cringe-worthy, no doubt.

14. What’s your favorite kind of adult beverage?

Red wine, because I'm not enough of a red-blooded American to appreciate the delightful subtleties of whatever indistinguishable brand of horse piss and hate that this test-maker expects.

15. What’s the best way to communicate with clients?

Verbally and textually, preferably in a language both of us understand and with formal-but-not-fanciful vocabulary that allows us to reach an efficient result.

16. What’s your favorite thing to do in your free time?

Write, consume media of all kinds, surf the interwebs and snark at those who deserve it.

17. What are your thoughts on the current college environment as it pertains to a future workforce?

I think you need to raise your wages to help college students pay off the blood debts they've been cursed with for eternity, so as to create a mutually beneficial employee-employer relationship where better pay and less debt translates to better work and more profit. If the question was actually about college politics, as it was because this test is advertised such that it'd be impossible to misinterpret, a few vocal and stupid extremists aren't going to soil the bottom line now or ever.

18. What’s your typical breakfast?

Cereal, toast or a cinnamon bagel, and a banana.

19. What’s your favorite drink when you go to a coffeehouse?

Irrelevant as I've never been to something I'd consider a coffeehouse, but whatever, hot chocolate.

20. How do you handle bullies?

Calmly report the harassment to a figure of authority who is obligated to do something about it, or if that fails, go for the eyes and the knees.

21. How do you handle it when your ideas are shot down?

If I've presented my entire argument in the best possible way I can articulate, then feel momentarily bad about it and get over it after a few minutes.

22. What do you do if a coworker comes to the table with an idea and it sucks?

Go over the problems with it in a calm and logical manner, refraining from insults and needless bullying because that creates a hostile work environment and is just kind of a dickish thing to do.

23. What does the first amendment mean to you?

It means you can preach about snowflakes on a public forum and I can call you a hypocritical, impotent baby, and as long as neither of us is forcibly compelled by the government to not do so, it's all fine.

24. What does faith mean to you?

Nothing.

25. Who is your role model and why?

Elon Musk, because I hope to one day reach that level of self-made wealth, barely disguised supervillainy, and undying commitment to doing whatever I want regardless of sensible reasoning.

26. “You’re in Starbucks with two friends. Someone runs in and says someone is coming in with a gun in 15 seconds to shoot patrons. They offer you a gun. Do you take it? What do you do next?”

I don't take it, and I proceed to question the contrived suspiciousness of everything about this setup.

How do they know someone's coming in in exactly 15 seconds with murderous intent?

If they had a gun already, why didn't they wait in hiding to shoot the person in question in a more open area with less likelihood for collateral damage?

Why am I, a bony white guy who barely looks of legal age, being given the gun?

Why a fucking Starbucks?

Then, when the conman inevitably reveals the ruse and tries to shoot me, I do my best to hold him off and have the other patrons help secure him until the police arrive.

27. What does America mean to you?

A convenient place to sleep until I can move to an actual civilized first-world nation with socialized healthcare, a sensible legal system, and politics that haven't devolved into screaming buzzwords just to piss the other side off.

28. You see someone stepping on an American flag. What do you do?

If it's accidental, brush it off and assume they'll notice and step away. If it's intentional, flip them off because it's just a dick move in principle. I can safely say I don't worship the icon enough to launch into a murderous rage when it's disrespected.

29. What does “privilege” mean to you?

A meaningless buzzword used by the most absurd people on both sides of the political spectrum, and a somewhat useful term when used in rational discussion between anyone else.

30. What’s more important? Book smarts or street smarts? Why?

Have all book smarts and no street smarts and you won't survive in the real world. Have all street smarts and no book smarts and you're destined for just that: the streets. Education and improvisation are of equal importance.
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Re: Can you pass the snowflake test?

Postby JamishT » Sun Feb 11, 2018 8:57 am

My honest answers and I just copied sellers' post and inserted my answers as needed
1. Outside of standard benefits, what benefits should a company offer employees?
I've never had a job (or friend) with benefits, so I don't really know.

2. What should the national minimum wage be?
$10 or $11

3. How many sick days should be given to employees?
7, plus additional days, possibly unpaid, with a doctor's note.

4. How often should employees get raises?
At least once a year.

5. How do you feel about guns?
Guns are awesome and I'd like to own several someday.

6. What are your feelings about employees or clients carrying guns?
Cool, good for them.

7. What are your feelings about safe spaces in challenging work environments?
I wouldn't have official rules about it, but the break room where people go to eat should be free of work-related conversation.

8. In a creative environment like The Silent Partner Marketing, what do you envision work attire looking like?
Tops and bottoms. I don't care if it's a tank top and sweat pants. Adults should know how to dress to drive their own success, and if you're successful in a halter top and JNCO jeans, go for it.

9. Should “trigger warnings” be issued before we release content for clients or the company that might be considered “controversial”?
Only if the client asks.

10. How do you feel about police?
They're fine. I get nervous around them even though I have no reason to.

11. If you owned the company and were to find out that a client is operating unethically but was a high paying client…how would you handle it?
If the behavior was legal, I'd continue on as normal.

12. When was the last time you cried and why?
After a friend's funeral

13. You arrive at an event for work and there’s a major celebrity you’ve always wanted to meet. What happens next?
Do my work. If there's a chance to introduce myself and express that I am a fan of theirs, I'll certainly take it. I might even try to subtly make that chance happen.

14. What’s your favorite kind of adult beverage?
Depends on the mood and what I'm eating. Beer, whiskey, or wine.

15. What’s the best way to communicate with clients?
Whatever works best for the client, but it's probably going to be email.

16. What’s your favorite thing to do in your free time?
Read and write posts on a little known Internet forum. Also browsing memes, Twitter, or Facebook.

17. What are your thoughts on the current college environment as it pertains to a future workforce?
I have no firsthand experience, so I do not have a concrete opinion on this.
EDIT: It's far far too expensive, like come onnnnn.

18. What’s your typical breakfast?
Nothing.

19. What’s your favorite drink when you go to a coffeehouse?
A chai latte or hot chocolate. Basically nothing that tastes of coffee.

20. How do you handle bullies?
By tattling, or ignoring them.

21. How do you handle it when your ideas are shot down?
Stew about it for a good week or so, and if possible, act upon them anyway. If the ideas that are accepted are proven to be awful, I'll bring up my ideas again.

22. What do you do if a coworker comes to the table with an idea and it sucks?
Point out all the issues, ideally through questions. Unless I don't really like them or am somewhat close with them, then I'll just say "that idea sucks".

23. What does the first amendment mean to you?
That America is better on free speech than any other country in the world. Also free press should be protected, and religion and state should be separate.

24. What does faith mean to you?
How much time do you have?

25. Who is your role model and why?
Right now it's Philip DeFranco, because he's working for himself and is a solid guy. He worked his butt off to get where he is now and continues to work his butt off.

26. “You’re in Starbucks with two friends. Someone runs in and says someone is coming in with a gun in 15 seconds to shoot patrons. They offer you a gun. Do you take it? What do you do next?”
I take that gun and shoot all the patrons before the guy gets there get up above the door to drop down behind the bad guy and hopefully disarm him. That's right, I'm going action film hero.

27. What does America mean to you?
It's the country where I grew up, and it's pretty fricken' great.

28. You see someone stepping on an American flag. What do you do?
Walk on by and roll my eyes. Maybe throw a middle finger if I'm feeling particularly peeved.

29. What does “privilege” mean to you?
That whoever used it is someone I should probably avoid.

30. What’s more important? Book smarts or street smarts? Why?
Neither. Both are important, and both have their shortcomings. Binary choices like this aren't realistic or helpful.
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Re: Can you pass the snowflake test?

Postby Malfeasinator » Sun Feb 11, 2018 9:03 am

It's a nice stunt. Get people mad. Tell them about your marketing company. Steal pop culture phrases and then turn them around so you have something funny to say, like SUMMER IS COMING, SNOWFLAKES!

I like answering stuff like this, though. I might have been brainwashed by Myspace back in 2006.

The Snowflake Test
Spoiler: show
Outside of standard benefits, what benefits should a company offer employees?
Book Exchange Program, Free Condoms, Taco Tuesdays, Pizza Fridays, and your choice of either joining after hours company fight club or having 15 minutes of smashing things with a sledgehammer every week.

What should the national minimum wage be?
Whatever the number is for "enough to live on and not feel like the universe actively hates you."

How many sick days should be given to employees?
Zero. There should be more personal time off days for people without having to give a good reason or be excused.

How often should employees get raises?

If they're really good, every six months, if they're okay, every year, to at least keep up with inflation.

How do you feel about guns?
They're totally rad to the max. I want to be like Riggs from Lethal Weapon when I grow up.

What are your feelings about employees or clients carrying guns?
AWESOME

What are your feelings about safe spaces in challenging work environments?
Well, I mean, if you've got storm shelter areas, fire exits, and HR is there for harassment and hostile work environment complaints, I'm not sure what else you need. I guess just follow current best practices and don't treat people like shit? Is that hard?

In a creative environment like The Silent Partner Marketing, what do you envision work attire looking like?
Woven hemp outfits and flip flops, what the fuck do you think? "Creative enviroment" is probably wrong, it's most likely the owner's way or the highway, especially if a test like this seems necessary.

Should “trigger warnings” be issued before we release content for clients or the company that might be considered “controversial”?
Just don't go out of your way to piss people off if you want to keep getting customers. Or do whatever, it's your company, you're free to run it into the ground and blame it on others when it doesn't work out.

How do you feel about police?
They can be cool sometimes, and others are dicks, I've had both good and bad experiences with them. It's good to know they're around when you need them in emergencies but it's never fun to drive with them behind you.

If you owned the company and were to find out that a client is operating unethically but was a high paying client…how would you handle it?
I don't own the company and I never will, which is entirely the point of me taking this test. So do whatever, chief. Just don't try to make me the patsy for when shit goes the way of Enron.

When was the last time you cried and why?
A few weeks ago. I was watching the opera scene from Final Fantasy 3 (6j). Shut up.

You arrive at an event for work and there’s a major celebrity you’ve always wanted to meet. What happens next?
I hide by the refreshments table, try not to make eye contact and hope they don't see me. I know it's a marketing company but I'm not a marketing kind of guy, I'd probably be placed in IT or something.

What’s your favorite kind of adult beverage?
Vanilla liqueur.

What’s the best way to communicate with clients?
You mean how do you talk to people? I don't get the question. You just... you just talk. Try to make them feel comfortable. Have this hip new thing called conversation.

What’s your favorite thing to do in your free time?
Sex/masturbation.

What are your thoughts on the current college environment as it pertains to a future workforce?
Not enough software development or nursing majors; social work pays crap, it's a sucker's bet.

What’s your typical breakfast?
I don't have typical breakfasts. Sometimes I have breakfast. Sometimes I don't. It's whatever.

What’s your favorite drink when you go to a coffeehouse?
I don't frequent such establishments because I'M A MAN, BABY. By that I mean, I've never felt comfortable in a coffee house because I feel like I'm oddly like this island of masculinity in a highly feminine zone, not unlike a calm and self-aware bull in a china shop, and I don't like that feeling. You can say what you want about that but nobody likes feeling like a freak.

How do you handle bullies?
I don't have any. I'm a big boy now.

How do you handle it when your ideas are shot down?
Well, you know, if they're right, they're right. If I feel like they're wrong, I'll try to argue my points better.

What do you do if a coworker comes to the table with an idea and it sucks?
I'll let them know but let them down easy, or better yet, get them to criticize their own idea.

What does the first amendment mean to you?
Separation of church and state, freedom to protest as long as you're not fucking shit up, freedom of speech, some other junk I forget.

What does faith mean to you?
Seems like a dumb way to find disappointment.

Who is your role model and why?
Youtube stars who have found a way to honestly make money from home doing what they love. They're living the dream, and even though it's probably hard work, it's theirs, and some of them have made so much money they could just walk away and be fine.

“You’re in Starbucks with two friends. Someone runs in and says someone is coming in with a gun in 15 seconds to shoot patrons. They offer you a gun. Do you take it? What do you do next?”
I would be a bit cautious - why does someone know this? How did they come upon this information? Why didn't they call the cops first? Do I know the person handing me the gun? Is the person that handed me the gun just trying to ambush someone and make it look like they were some kind of hero? I'd probably call 911 and tell everyone they should get down.

What does America mean to you?
It's a country, alright.

You see someone stepping on an American flag. What do you do?
None of my business. I'd probably warn them to take that kind of thing somewhere less public and maybe post it to youtube, because if anyone sees you doing that out here in Trump country, they'll likely straight up murder you for it.

What does “privilege” mean to you?
It's something I might hear in court when someone tries to trip me up and make me forget the 5th Amendment is my right.

What’s more important? Book smarts or street smarts? Why?
I'd say book smarts. Slinging drugs is so much easier and safer to do with the dark web these days, and you can't learn about the dark web from the streets. Young thugs don't know a damn thing about computers. Street dealers aren't even hip to the cheap Chinese shit you can get nowadays for super low prices, and turn around and sell wholesale for a profit.

Or so I've heard.
  • 6

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Re: Can you pass the snowflake test?

Postby LaoWai » Sun Feb 11, 2018 12:22 pm

I think the guy who wrote this test is a bit of a snowflake himself.

Spoiler: show
1. Outside of standard benefits, what benefits should a company offer employees?

"Breakfast and beverage sources."

2. What should the national minimum wage be?

"To hell with that, jerk-ass; what is my maximum wage going to be."

3. How many sick days should be given to employees?

"None. Everyone weak pretends to be sick just to get out of fight night."

4. How often should employees get raises?

"Depends how often we win on fight night."

5. How do you feel about guns?

"I prefer to kill my enemies with my bare hands, but if some soppy punk needs it to balance the odds, game on."

6. What are your feelings about employees or clients carrying guns?

"They're just going to carry them? Oh, man, I'm going to be running this place in a year."

7. What are your feelings about safe spaces in challenging work environments?

"Well, I wouldn't kill anyone who was in a doctor's office or something. It's not sporting."

8. In a creative environment like The Silent Partner Marketing, what do you envision work attire looking like?

"Loincloths. Armor's for panty-waists."

9. Should “trigger warnings” be issued before we release content for clients or the company that might be considered “controversial”?

"Another gun question? Look, if there's a gun, any idiot should already know it's got a trigger."

10. How do you feel about police?

"Are you fucking threatening me, asshole?"

11. If you owned the company and were to find out that a client is operating unethically but was a high paying client…how would you handle it?

"Blackmail comes to mind. Or mugging."

12. When was the last time you cried and why?

"14, 900 days ago, because the room was cold, and the doctor slapped me."

13. You arrive at an event for work and there’s a major celebrity you’ve always wanted to meet. What happens next?

"Punching."

14. What’s your favorite kind of adult beverage?

"Punch: that's a bottle of Jim Beam, a bottle of Jack Daniels, the fallen's blood, and a bottle of Everclear mixed together in a trash-can."

15. What’s the best way to communicate with clients?

"Punching."

16. What’s your favorite thing to do in your free time?

"Punching...no, wait, I tell a lie. It's long walks on the beach and punching."

17. What are your thoughts on the current college environment as it pertains to a future workforce?

"What do I care about a future workforce? I live for now."

18. What’s your typical breakfast?

"The flesh of the fallen."

19. What’s your favorite drink when you go to a coffeehouse?

"I don't go to coffeehouses. If I want coffee, I jog to Colombia and start punching until someone makes me coffee."

20. How do you handle bullies?

"I take them out for breakfast."

21. How do you handle it when your ideas are shot down?

"Man, you guys are just obsessed with guns, aren't you? This place is going to be a cake-walk."

22. What do you do if a coworker comes to the table with an idea and it sucks?

"Punch him."

23. What does the first amendment mean to you?

"Are we just going to talk all day like a bunch of washerwomen, or are we going to get to the trials."

24. What does faith mean to you?

"Exactly what it says in the dictionary. For such a Chatty Cathy, you sure suck at communication."

25. Who is your role model and why?

"Jesus, because he's death-proof."

26. “You’re in Starbucks with two friends. Someone runs in and says someone is coming in with a gun in 15 seconds to shoot patrons. They offer you a gun. Do you take it? What do you do next?”

"Again, guns are for panty-waists. Your fixation suggests you're going to be easy to take down. Besides, I wouldn't be in a Starbucks, remember, dumb-ass?"

27. What does America mean to you?

"You still haven't figured out how to use a dictionary, have you?"

28. You see someone stepping on an American flag. What do you do?

"Punch him. You should have seen that coming."

29. What does “privilege” mean to you?

"You really struggle with the whole dictionary concept, don't you? You're not exactly the brightest bulb in the box."

30. What’s more important? Book smarts or street smarts? Why?

"Well, I do think you should know how to use a dictionary before you piss around for ten minutes asking what words mean. More importantly, though..." *Punches* "...you should be able to see that coming." *Punches* "Where's your gun, bitch?" *Punches* "Careful, Nancy-boy, that gun might have a trigger." *Punches, punches, punches, punches* "I'm going to love working here."
  • 10

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Re: Can you pass the snowflake test?

Postby satan_n_stuff » Sun Feb 11, 2018 12:34 pm

Not going to post answers because I've got no experience being employed in the US and couldn't give a qualified answer on at least half the questions, but I agree that this seems like a marketing stunt.
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Re: Can you pass the snowflake test?

Postby iMURDAu » Sun Feb 11, 2018 2:03 pm

Spoilered for length:

Spoiler: show
Outside of standard benefits, what benefits should a company offer employees?

What are the standard benefits? Not every company offers insurance and 401k. Those should be what every company offers as standard but beyond that I'll take some paid time off that accrues.

What should the national minimum wage be?

What difference does it make? Any answer I give today is done without any analysis of idk the entire labor market of the United States and therefore an uneducated guess. So I'm not answering.

How many sick days should be given to employees?

Depends. Are they part time, full time, do they work in a high stress environment? 7 is the bare minimum I'd say.

How often should employees get raises?

Yearly or when lol performance and proficiency demand you pay someone for a job :lol: well done. That's not going to happen. So yearly.

How do you feel about guns?

What a stupid question. I don't have feelings about guns. A gun is a tool just as much as the person who came up with this quiz.

What are your feelings about employees or clients carrying guns?

I'm a veteran of the War On Drugs. That's business as usual.

What are your feelings about safe spaces in challenging work environments?

Safe spaces shouldn't exist because people are not ostriches.

In a creative environment like The Silent Partner Marketing, what do you envision work attire looking like?

Idk but I'm wearing jeans and t-shirts with sports teams, comic characters, and Star Wars characters and if you've got a problem with that then hire someone else ya fuggin snowflake.

Should “trigger warnings” be issued before we release content for clients or the company that might be considered “controversial”?

You're reaching bub.

How do you feel about police?

Why? Are you one? I'm not answering any more questions without a lawyer.

If you owned the company and were to find out that a client is operating unethically but was a high paying client…how would you handle it?

Define unethically. My moral gray area be gray and shit.

When was the last time you cried and why?

February 4th 2018. The Philadelphia Eagles won the Super Bowl. So fuck off :D

You arrive at an event for work and there’s a major celebrity you’ve always wanted to meet. What happens next?

I lose all sense of professionalism and go for a selfie and autograph.

What’s your favorite kind of adult beverage?

Knob Creek stirred into Coca-Cola.

What’s the best way to communicate with clients?

Subtle, gentle, loving touching along with deep intimate gazes. No verbalizing.

What’s your favorite thing to do in your free time?

Fuck.

What are your thoughts on the current college environment as it pertains to a future workforce?

Everyone will be Communists or Nazis so pretty much the same as the current and past workforce.

What’s your typical breakfast?

Leftovers or a TV dinner. I don't eat different food because of how the planet is positioned in it's orbit of the Sun.

What’s your favorite drink when you go to a coffeehouse?

When I wot m8? You're asking the wrong person because I don't drink coffee. My body considers it to be nothing more than a diuretic and laxative.

How do you handle bullies?

I'm too close to 40 to answer such a silly question.

How do you handle it when your ideas are shot down?

Shrug it off. I've had ideas at different jobs get laughed off only to see them be implemented later. Sometimes after I hadn't worked there for years. Sometimes I think back on suggestions I've made and realize how dumb they were.

What do you do if a coworker comes to the table with an idea and it sucks?

Inform them. "Your idea, it sucks and here's why...."

What does the first amendment mean to you?

It means I can tell you to eat a fat dick and then go fuck yourself with it and if you don't hire me because of it then you're against the first amendment. You faggot.

What does faith mean to you?

Idk. Don't have much if any. Still trying to wrap my head around the Eagles win last Sunday because I still can't believe it happened.

Who is your role model and why?

Again, how old do you think I am? Bullies, role models, dafuq. I don't model myself after anyone. Have you seen how rapey people are? Especially the men? smh

“You’re in Starbucks with two friends. Someone runs in and says someone is coming in with a gun in 15 seconds to shoot patrons. They offer you a gun. Do you take it? What do you do next?”

Fuck is you talking about? Your weird hypothetical question is weird. I wouldn't be in Starbucks so my friends wouldn't be. Nobody carrying a gun runs into anywhere like Paul damned Revere warning that a shooter is coming. I'm definitely not taking gun from a stranger. Put my prints on something that could have bodies on it? I'm not that stupid.

What does America mean to you?

It's the place where I keep my stuff. Alternatively take the Asgard speech by Odin from Thor:Ragnarok and replace Asgard with America and that's my answer, but not seriously. Obviously.

You see someone stepping on an American flag. What do you do?

People have the right to do what they want with their property as long as it's not hurting anyone else.

What does “privilege” mean to you?

It has a dictionary definition. So my answer is found in the dictionary. But you go look it up since you're the one wanting to know sooo bad.

What’s more important? Book smarts or street smarts? Why?

Both. Because that's the correct answer.
  • 6

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Re: Can you pass the snowflake test?

Postby jbobsully11 » Sun Feb 11, 2018 2:57 pm

serious answers
Outside of standard benefits, what benefits should a company offer employees?
At a minimum, coffee, a water cooler, and annual performance bonuses.

What should the national minimum wage be?
Around $13/hr including tipped workers at a minimum, indexed to inflation. Ideally there should be (and possibly is, I don't know) some other metric that compares cost of living in different states, and I guess that should figure into it somehow, but I'm too lazy to give this any more thought.

How many sick days should be given to employees?
I guess around ten that are non-refundable or transferable from one year to the next, but that includes other personal non-vacation days. Is long-term injury/illness covered? There should be a separate thing for that as well (probably unpaid after a certain amount of time, but still with some kind of guarantee that you won't get fired just for being in a serious accident or whatever).

How often should employees get raises?
Once per year seems about right.

How do you feel about guns?
I've never held a real one, and I fully expect a situation like that to end in disaster, but they can be a necessary tool, and they're incredibly effective for what they do.

What are your feelings about employees or clients carrying guns?
Unless you're a cop, security guard, or gun safety class teacher, you probably don't need one at work.

What are your feelings about safe spaces in challenging work environments?
not enough information; "safe spaces" and "challenging" are awfully vague

In a creative environment like The Silent Partner Marketing, what do you envision work attire looking like?
anything from business casual to jeans and t-shirts

Should “trigger warnings” be issued before we release content for clients or the company that might be considered “controversial”?
If the client wants them, go ahead.

How do you feel about police?
The good ones are good, but the bad ones are terrible.

If you owned the company and were to find out that a client is operating unethically but was a high paying client…how would you handle it?
Unethically in what way, and to what extreme? I'd do a risk/benefit analysis and see where that took me.

When was the last time you cried and why?
2001 because a group of adults were both horribly condescending and stupid at the same time

You arrive at an event for work and there’s a major celebrity you’ve always wanted to meet. What happens next?
I talk to them about why they're there and what they do.

What’s your favorite kind of adult beverage?
rum & Coke (or pretty much any dark soda)

What’s the best way to communicate with clients?
face-to-face if possible

What’s your favorite thing to do in your free time?
read books or go on TCS

What are your thoughts on the current college environment as it pertains to a future workforce?
Mine didn't seem that bad; I'm not sure about others, but if news stories are to be trusted (they generally aren't), they're training a bunch of broken robots; not creative or productive.

What’s your typical breakfast?
cereal or toast (white bread) with a glass of water or juice

What’s your favorite drink when you go to a coffeehouse?
I don't, but if I'm at a bar, I prefer Blue Moon ale.

How do you handle bullies?
Stab, twist, and pull. Get a square blade that clearly violates Geneva conventions and... Directly if possible, or by reporting them to the proper authorities (eg. HR, police) otherwise.

How do you handle it when your ideas are shot down?
I either defend them or feel stupid and go back to work.

What do you do if a coworker comes to the table with an idea and it sucks?
I ask them questions about what I perceive to be flaws to make sure I understand them, and hopefully they realize it's awful on their own.

What does the first amendment mean to you?
limited freedom from government oppression

What does faith mean to you?
not much, but it helps other people, so meh

Who is your role model and why?
N/A

You’re in Starbucks with two friends. Someone runs in and says someone is coming in with a gun in 15 seconds to shoot patrons. They offer you a gun. Do you take it? What do you do next?
I try to stall the guy for fifteen seconds and let him take out the alleged second person. If that doesn't work, I take it in case I need it, but ask if anyone else there can use it better than I can, as I have no real experience using a gun.

What does America mean to you?
two continents/a place to live

You see someone stepping on an American flag. What do you do?
nothing

What does “privilege” mean to you?
Either permission I have that can legally be rescinded (eg. driving), not being discriminated against for traits I can't control (something like that, anyway), or whatever the other person in the conversation wants it to mean.

What’s more important? Book smarts or street smarts? Why?
Street smarts; practice is pretty much always more useful than theory.

I was also going to post sarcastic answers, but they may have gotten too weird by the end.
  • 6

Crimson847 wrote:In other words, transgender-friendly privacy laws don't molest people, people molest people.

(Presumably, the only way to stop a bad guy with a transgender-friendly privacy law is a good guy with a transgender-friendly privacy law, and thus transgender-friendly privacy law rights need to be enshrined in the Constitution as well)
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Re: Can you pass the snowflake test?

Postby Australia » Sun Feb 11, 2018 4:50 pm

Spoiler: show
1. Outside of standard benefits, what benefits should a company offer employees?

Sexual benefits.

2. What should the national minimum wage be?

Whatever lets me retire within a month.

3. How many sick days should be given to employees?

All days should be freakin' sick, bro. Don't let anyone stop you seizing the motherfucking day.

4. How often should employees get raises?

If and when someone gets an erection is nobody's business. If it happens, it happens.

5. How do you feel about guns?

I start at the barrel, then work my way down.

6. What are your feelings about employees or clients carrying guns?

I hope that's not a gun in their pocket and they're just happy to see me.

7. What are your feelings about safe spaces in challenging work environments?

If you must do it at work, you should be safe. VD is no laughing matter.

8. In a creative environment like The Silent Partner Marketing, what do you envision work attire looking like?

Clothing optional. No ball gags.

9. Should “trigger warnings” be issued before we release content for clients or the company that might be considered “controversial”?

"Release content" means ejaculate, right? I'd give them a heads-up. They may not have brought a change of clothes and should be warned to get out of the way.

10. How do you feel about police?

I start at the pelvis and work my way up.

11. If you owned the company and were to find out that a client is operating unethically but was a high paying client…how would you handle it?

I own a company? Fuck yeah. I mean, I assume I'd handle "it" the same way I do now. I mean it doesn't grow even bigger when something unethical happens, does it?

12. When was the last time you cried and why?

There's nothing wrong with crimaxing, even if you are only doing it with yourself.

13. You arrive at an event for work and there’s a major celebrity you’ve always wanted to meet. What happens next?

Sexually assault them before they can do it to me. I know how Hollywood is. It's self-defense, any lawyer would tell you. Besides, they wouldn't be at a supermarket event unless they're up to something shady.

14. What’s your favorite kind of adult beverage?

Beverage made from adult? I dunno, placenta? Never tried it but it's all the rage, apparently.

15. What’s the best way to communicate with clients?

From behind.

16. What’s your favorite thing to do in your free time?

If you can't figure out my mindset now, I honestly don't know what to tell you.

17. What are your thoughts on the current college environment as it pertains to a future workforce?

There's a lot of kinky stories about teacher-student relations and it's always so much more refreshing than the creepy high school anecdotes.

18. What’s your typical breakfast?

I wake up in the afternoon. Morning glory is for filthy dayworkers.

19. What’s your favorite drink when you go to a coffeehouse?

The fuck is that? A house made of coffee? I'd be afraid to go in, lest it collapse.

20. How do you handle bullies?

I start at their biceps, then work my way down.

21. How do you handle it when your ideas are shot down?

Just hope I've shot my wad first.

22. What do you do if a coworker comes to the table with an idea and it sucks?

Dude, I know gender fluidity is a thing now, but you can't call a coworker 'it'. 'He' or 'she' are still widely acceptable. I'd prefer a female to suck but either way, if they do it well enough, I'd give whatever their idea is a go. Fair trade.

23. What does the first amendment mean to you?

The first amendment on this quiz was to the first question 'what benefits should a company offer employees' and I already answered that.

24. What does faith mean to you?

I don't know. I tip Faith very well but she still yells at me when I flick her G-string. Why do you think she's mean to me?

25. Who is your role model and why?

Well, the model of my role on this website is an avatar that changes month-to-month. It's a long story, but they're all irreparably scarred.

26. “You’re in Starbucks with two friends. Someone runs in and says someone is coming in with a gun in 15 seconds to shoot patrons. They offer you a gun. Do you take it? What do you do next?”

I lock the door and usher everyone out the back door. With the remaining five seconds, I auction off the gun, saying I got it as a gift and have not used it so can only assume its condition is 'as new'.

27. What does America mean to you?

I dunno. Their president seems to hate almost all countries though, so I feel like he's not picking on Australia specifically.

28. You see someone stepping on an American flag. What do you do?

I check which of the 35 American countries the flag is of and then let them know you can't just teleport there by standing on the flag and need to purchase an aeroplane ticket, but not to be too embarassed because I thought spinning a globe and pushing a country with my finger was how international travel worked when I was their age. Also be on the lookout for snowflakes who get sensitive about inanimate objects being stepped on.

29. What does “privilege” mean to you?

Anyone who thinks they're too good to bed me.

30. What’s more important? Book smarts or street smarts? Why?

I never saw Street Sharks. Heard it was a bonkers cartoon though. I couldn't understand the rest of the words in the question.
  • 11

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Re: Can you pass the snowflake test?

Postby ghijkmnop » Mon Feb 12, 2018 4:33 pm

Below is exactly how I would answer these questions.

Spoiler: show
Outside of standard benefits, what benefits should a company offer employees?
A yearly contract.

What should the national minimum wage be?
Every company should have a minimum wage, and it should be 1/5 of the maximum wage.

How many sick days should be given to employees?
The flu takes a week to 10 days to heal, so 10

How often should employees get raises?
Every time the boss gets one.

How do you feel about guns?
It pisses me off that I'm not allowed to own one. You can draw your conclusion from that.

What are your feelings about employees or clients carrying guns?
Employees at a marketing firm shouldn't be armed. I couldn't care less about clients.

What are your feelings about safe spaces in challenging work environments?
It depends on how this question is being asked.

In a creative environment like The Silent Partner Marketing, what do you envision work attire looking like?
Business casual for people who don't meet clients, and full business attire for customer-facing positions.

Should “trigger warnings” be issued before we release content for clients or the company that might be considered “controversial”?
Who the hell are our clients?

How do you feel about police?
Try living without them.

If you owned the company and were to find out that a client is operating unethically but was a high paying client…how would you handle it?
How do you feel about blackmail?

When was the last time you cried and why?
When a good friend of mine died a couple of weeks ago. Because I was sad.

You arrive at an event for work and there’s a major celebrity you’ve always wanted to meet. What happens next?
What's the company policy for this kind of thing?

What’s your favorite kind of adult beverage?
Cheap light American beer.

What’s the best way to communicate with clients?
Concisely, in their language.

What’s your favorite thing to do in your free time?
Play guitar and sing.

What are your thoughts on the current college environment as it pertains to a future workforce?
Nobody is trained for the real world in college, and it's been that way for at least a century.

What’s your typical breakfast?
Leftovers from the previous night's dinner.

What’s your favorite drink when you go to a coffeehouse?
Unless I am playing a music gig there, I don't go to coffeehouses.

How do you handle bullies?
Mock them mercilessly.

How do you handle it when your ideas are shot down?
Ask why, and learn.

What do you do if a coworker comes to the table with an idea and it sucks?
I wouldn't use the phrase "it sucks," but would communicate that it doesn't work-- if it were my place to do so.

What does the first amendment mean to you?
That it applies to every American.

What does faith mean to you?
My faith is a personal, private thing-- and it should be the same for everyone else.

Who is your role model and why?
I'm almost 60 years old. I'm my own role model.

You’re in Starbucks with two friends. Someone runs in and says someone is coming in with a gun in 15 seconds to shoot patrons. They offer you a gun. Do you take it? What do you do next?
Lock the doors and call the police.

What does America mean to you?
325 million different opinions somehow living together.

You see someone stepping on an American flag. What do you do?
The same thing I do when I see someone flying a tattered American flag from their pickup truck, or wearing flag clothing: Nothing other than grumble about them violating the US Flag Code. It's their right to be jackasses.

What does “privilege” mean to you?
Do you mean the actual word, or the currently weaponized version of it?

What’s more important? Book smarts or street smarts? Why?
Neither. A well-rounded person needs both.
  • 6

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Re: Can you pass the snowflake test?

Postby Fun With Mr. Fudge » Tue Feb 13, 2018 3:07 am

Does passing the test mean I fail as a person or vice versa?

Spoiler: show
1. Outside of standard benefits, what benefits should a company offer employees?

If they’re benefits a company “should offer,” then they should be part of the standard. Tell me what you're offering me, and I'll decide if I like it.

2. What should the national minimum wage be?

I don’t know that there should be one. There should probably be a uniform formula for statewide minimum wages that takes into account the cost of living for a given state. Those rates should probably change based on inflation.

3. How many sick days should be given to employees?

As many as are medically justified. The number won’t matter to me if I’m too sick to work for more days than officially allowed.

4. How often should employees get raises?

Once a year or as the cost of living dictates. Otherwise, give raises whenever you think (1) the employee deserves a pay increase and/or (2) said raise would increase productivity while helping your bottom line.

5. How do you feel about guns?

It depends on who has them. In sinister hands they’re terrifying. In trustworthy hands they’re fine.

6. What are your feelings about employees or clients carrying guns?

Have these employees undergone psyche evaluations? Do they have histories of domestic abuse or other kinds of violence? Will there be “take your kids to work days,” and will employees be allowed to bring their guns on those days? All of those things make a difference. In the absence of that information, I'd say no guns unless the job requires it.

7. What are your feelings about safe spaces in challenging work environments?

What are the people being saved from in this space? What makes the environment challenging? If the office holds a weekly Klan rally, then sure, I want a safe space… and to work at a different office.

8. In a creative environment like The Silent Partner Marketing, what do you envision work attire looking like?

I want permission to wear a yellow cellophane suit so I can be the loud partner. Everyone else can dress how they please.

9. Should “trigger warnings” be issued before we release content for clients or the company that might be considered “controversial”?

Why not just ask the client what counts as “controversial” content and how they would like such content handled? That should remove a lot of unnecessary guesswork.

10. How do you feel about police?

They’re people, and like all people, some will be good, and some will be bad. Also, what does this question have to do with my job? Will I have to interact with police or commit crimes? Or do you plan on grilling me about my personal and political leanings when I’m supposed to be working?

11. If you owned the company and were to find out that a client is operating unethically but was a high paying client…how would you handle it?

Is the practice in question illegal? Does it harm people? Is there a high-percentage chance of that practice getting revealed to the public? If it’s not illegal, doesn’t hurt anyone, and won’t hurt my company’s image significantly if exposed, then I suppose I won’t say much, if anything, about it.

12. When was the last time you cried and why?

Today, just to irritate you.

13. You arrive at an event for work and there’s a major celebrity you’ve always wanted to meet. What happens next?

I meet them.

14. What’s your favorite kind of adult beverage?

Screwdriver or gin and tonic

15. What’s the best way to communicate with clients?

Clearly and politely

16. What’s your favorite thing to do in your free time?

Answer question about my non-work-related activities

17. What are your thoughts on the current college environment as it pertains to a future workforce?

The future is robots. College will eventually become an expensive pastime if it hasn’t already.

18. What’s your typical breakfast?

Sometimes yogurt, sometimes oatmeal with honey and peanut butter

19. What’s your favorite drink when you go to a coffeehouse?

A Russian hot chocolate (hot chocolate with vodka)

20. How do you handle bullies?

Is the bully my boss or a random person? If the bully’s my boss, I quit. If it’s a random person, I ignore them unless they do something illegal and highly upsetting.

21. How do you handle it when your ideas are shot down?

Try to learn why and use the explanation to inform future ideas

22. What do you do if a coworker comes to the table with an idea and it sucks?

Ask questions that hopefully highlight the flaws in the idea. Ideally, the questions and answers would help the coworker improve their idea or completely replace it with a better one.

23. What does the first amendment mean to you?

It establishes rights that people bring up when they want to say or support things that offend others. Many Americans then ignore those same rights when others offend them.

24. What does faith mean to you?

Belief without evidence. If you’re looking for a positive or negative evaluation of people who subscribe to a religious faith or a critique on faith itself, then I wonder what the First Amendment means to you.

25. Who is your role model and why?

No one. I want to be the best version of myself.

26. “You’re in Starbucks with two friends. Someone runs in and says someone is coming in with a gun in 15 seconds to shoot patrons. They offer you a gun. Do you take it? What do you do next?”

Wait, so someone with a gun runs in and warns me that someone with a gun is going to run in and start shooting? Why did this person enter the Starbucks if they knew someone would attack it? Is the person who warned me a crazy guy who will shoot up the Starbucks if I don’t take the gun in 15 seconds? Also, calling the police, locking the doors, and finding cover might be good responses, unless the person who warned me actually intends to be the shooter. Then, we’d all just be trapped inside with a guy who’s going to shoot us.

27. What does America mean to you?

Quiz-based jingoism

28. You see someone stepping on an American flag. What do you do?

Well, if I care about the First Amendment, I do nothing. If I don’t care about the First Amendment, I still do nothing because I don’t care about flags.

29. What does “privilege” mean to you?

Probably not what it means to you. But if the word makes you angry, you likely either have too much of what it means or extremely little.

30. What’s more important? Book smarts or street smarts? Why?

Depends on the context. Street smarts probably won’t help me pass a math test, but book smarts might not help me survive a drive-by shooting (unless I’ve read a book on drive-by shootings).
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Re: Can you pass the snowflake test?

Postby Malfeasinator » Tue Feb 13, 2018 8:18 am

I believe I have cracked the test and give the correct answer key below.

Spoiler: show
Outside of standard benefits, what benefits should a company offer employees?
NOTHIN', you gotta earn respect 'round here, son! You don't get no namby-pamby benefits, you gotta work for a livin'! *spits tobacco juice into nearest receptacle*

What should the national minimum wage be?
There shouldn't BE NO DAGGUM miminum wage! Let the free market decide! What was wrong with slavery anyway? That's what's wrong with this country, people are afraid of some hard work!

How many sick days should be given to employees?
None, everybody else can come to work and do their job, why can't you? No excuses! Survival of the fittest! Get sick? Get out of here!

How often should employees get raises?
When the boss man is good and goddamn ready to give 'em one!

How do you feel about guns?
You're not a REAL MAN without one. *eagle screech sound effect can be heard from afar*

What are your feelings about employees or clients carrying guns?
They'd better be packing, the end of days is just around the corner and everyone's going to have to do their part when they get called for the LORD's army and it's either help or hang, friend, help or hang. Same thing when the race wars start.

What are your feelings about safe spaces in challenging work environments?

There's nothing safe in this world, when the big man upstairs says it's your time, it's your time, it's not your decision.

In a creative environment like The Silent Partner Marketing, what do you envision work attire looking like?

As long as you're wearing the LORD's armor, the rest is irrelevant. Hell, I been wearin' this shirt three days in a row and ain't no one said nothin' yet.

Should “trigger warnings” be issued before we release content for clients or the company that might be considered “controversial”?
What's that, when you shoot them in the leg first? I don't go for all that liberal Hollywood nonsense.

How do you feel about police?
They have a hard job, someone has to keep all these Mondays in line, you know what I'm saying? Cause everybody hates Mondays.

If you owned the company and were to find out that a client is operating unethically but was a high paying client…how would you handle it?
Good Ole Boys take care of each other, don't you worry nothin' bout that.

When was the last time you cried and why?
4th of July. If you don't know why, well, this isn't a company I want to work for.

You arrive at an event for work and there’s a major celebrity you’ve always wanted to meet. What happens next?
I give Dale Earnhardt Jr. a firm handshake with eye contact and get his autograph.

What’s your favorite kind of adult beverage?

I ain't picky. Whatever kind of moonshine they got at the shindig is fine by me.

What’s the best way to communicate with clients?

At the titty bar.

What’s your favorite thing to do in your free time?

Communicate with clients, if you catch my meaning. *slow and obvious wink*

What are your thoughts on the current college environment as it pertains to a future workforce?

They should bulldoze the colleges and put up more Starbucks, that's where them kids'll end up working anyway.

What’s your typical breakfast?

5 eggs scrambled, a kielbasa sausage, a can of corned beef hash, a quart of milk, some ham, some steak, and no less than 3 pancakes.

What’s your favorite drink when you go to a coffeehouse?

Coffee, black, the biggest they've got. Sugar and cream's for them homosapiens. I don't use a straw, hell I don't even use a lid because my Daddy told me they was for sissies.

How do you handle bullies?

I AM the bully. Someone has to toughen up the next generation. Kids these days are living on a flower bed in Eden and they don't even know it. It's my job to push them out of their paradise and into the real world.

How do you handle it when your ideas are shot down?

I congratulate them on their good shootin'.

What do you do if a coworker comes to the table with an idea and it sucks?

Give 'em the old Clint Eastwood squint. They'll know.

What does the first amendment mean to you?

A bunch of bullshit the Devil's crybabies use to try to take Jesus out of schools and get the F word on T.V. and teach kids that people came from monkeys and that all the races can live together and get along and other lies. Trump's going to take care of that mess, you'll see.

What does faith mean to you?
It means that maybe you should read your BIBLE more and you'd understand somethin', they're gonna start putting the RFID chips in people because that's the Mark of the Beast, and nanobots are going to make people immortal but they're going to bring the guillotine back to excecute the good Christian believers because taking someone's head off is the only way you'll be able to kill somebody, it's coming, man, it's all right there in the Book of Revelations.


Who is your role model and why?

In a weird way, it's Lucifer before the Fall. He was the original Rebel. He was the first Maverick that played by his own rules, just like Sarah Palin in the 2008 elections. These days you gotta be some kind of Maverick. You gotta. Just wake up and look around you. It doesn't take much to see that somethin' ain't right. Now that Lucifer runs everything you've got to be like Lucifer but against Lucifer. You have to give him a taste of his own medicine. You don't like that now, do you, devil? I KNOW YOU'RE IN MY MIND BUT I AM IN CONTROL.

“You’re in Starbucks with two friends. Someone runs in and says someone is coming in with a gun in 15 seconds to shoot patrons. They offer you a gun. Do you take it? What do you do next?”
I'd say "Listen, man, I already got my own gun, you take it and we'll get out there on the count of three and light this sucker UP!" God's got my back! Woo!

What does America mean to you?
Freedom. NASCAR. Titties. WOO!

You see someone stepping on an American flag. What do you do?

I gotta plead the fifth, friend, I've already got a case coming up with, let's just say, a very similar origin story.

What does “privilege” mean to you?
Hell, I don't know. What's it mean?

What’s more important? Book smarts or street smarts? Why?

Trick question. Being smart is the dumbest thing you can do. Smart people are too stupid to understand that they need Jesus. The bible says the first shall be last and the last shall be first. You can be dead last in the smarts department and it's okay because God's going to fill you in on things after you get to Heaven. You don't need to fill up your head with all the nonsense of this world, it's not going to be here very long away. God's going to hit the old reset button and the smart people who didn't go to hell are going to know all this stuff that won't matter anymore, like the names of species of plants and animals, there's not going to be any of that stuff. Duh.
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Re: Can you pass the snowflake test?

Postby CarrieVS » Tue Feb 13, 2018 1:28 pm

Fun With Mr. Fudge wrote:5. How do you feel about guns?
...In sinister hands they’re terrifying.


Your dextronormative attitude is microaggressing me.
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Re: Can you pass the snowflake test?

Postby Fun With Mr. Fudge » Tue Feb 13, 2018 3:00 pm

CarrieVS wrote:
Fun With Mr. Fudge wrote:5. How do you feel about guns?
...In sinister hands they’re terrifying.


Your dextronormative attitude is microaggressing me.


You must be left-handed. Well, I hate to break it to all you handlitically correct lefties - wait, no, I love telling you this. Left-handed people are statistically more likely to be criminals. Even left-handed rags like The New Yorker say so :

In 1903, Lombroso summarized his views on the left-handed of the world. “What is sure,” he wrote, “is, that criminals are more often left-handed than honest men, and lunatics are more sensitively left-sided than either of the other two.” Left-handers were more than three times as common in criminal populations as they were in everyday life, he found. The prevalence among swindlers was even higher: up to thirty-three per cent were left-handed—in contrast to the four per cent Lombroso found within the normal population.


Don't get triggered and start melting just because reality has a right-handed bias. I know you people love fake news, but don't you also worship real numbers? Or is that only when they support your nonsense theories about right-handed privilege?
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