I solved the haircut issue long ago by wearing my hair in a bun. Now all I need to do is trim the ends occasionally to keep it from getting too long in the back, and take a trimmer to the back of my neck sometimes to clean it up.
And for the record, standing when you pee is for the god damn wilderness. You know what happens when you pee while standing when you're wearing shorts, sandals, or nothing? The pee splashes on your legs. That means when you're wearing pants and shoes, the pee is splashing on your pants and shoes. Gross.
Also, we don't play with our junk all the time, but if no one's around, it's not rare to just sit around with your hand in your pants. Nothing to do with your junk really, it's just that it's warm down there.