Water cooler stories

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Re: Water cooler stories

Postby Blackfish » Tue Jan 21, 2014 12:36 pm

So, another Rome: Total War story, though I'm not sure it entirely qualifies as a water cooler story. This game, whatever its flaws, certainly has a penchant for memorable moments.

I've been playing the Western Roman (aka 'come at me bro') campaign in Barbarian Invasion, and everything was going swimmingly - I've beaten the barbarians and was expanding at the expense of my eastern cousins when to my surprise my best (ten-star, a bunch of morale-boosting traits) general turned on me. I was surprised because I can count on my hands the number of times a general has rebelled in this game, and this was the first time a commander of a substantial army in the field had done so. He had with him my most veteran legions (seriously, all of them were gold-chevroned), which easily swept aside the rest of my scattered forces in the region and the traitorous ingrate proceeded to roll back my recent conquests in Illyria and Greece with his super-stack. It took twice that amount of troops and a decade to end that revolt. It was an unexpected nugget of late-game excitement.
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Re: Water cooler stories

Postby Delta Jim » Mon Jan 27, 2014 4:46 am

Skyrim:

I went to Dragon Bridge to take care of a side-quest in the area that started there. I saw that the quest marker pointed west-ish and began heading out when the battle music started and I heard the roar of a dragon. Down swooped an Elder Dragon (the 2nd highest leveled dragon type in the main game), which landed on the lumber mill. I hit with Dragonrend before it could attack anyone. I watched as it flew back up and noticed something that made me almost shit a brick... a 2nd dragon was circling the area.

I went after the Elder Dragon, using the tried and true tactic of beating the hell out of its legs while town guards act as a distraction. As that was happening I got hit with a fire breath. Not only had the 2nd dragon landed, it was a goddamn Ancient Dragon (the highest leveled dragon type in the main game)! One of them killed an important character in the quest I was just about to do before these two so rudely interrupted me.

I somehow managed to take them both down on my own (the guards got killed pretty quickly), but I lost out on the reward for the quest (which probably wasn't all that good, but still).
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Re: Water cooler stories

Postby CarrieVS » Thu Feb 20, 2014 9:24 pm

maybe I should have put this here.
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Re: Water cooler stories

Postby FaceTheCitizen » Wed Feb 26, 2014 4:20 am

...
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Re: Water cooler stories

Postby Blackfish » Wed Feb 26, 2014 8:40 am

I bought the Human Revolution Director's Cut recently. Looking forward to playing a 'murder everyone' playthrough.
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Re: Water cooler stories

Postby Marcuse » Wed Feb 26, 2014 4:24 pm

One time, in Skyrim, I accidentally massacred Whiterun.

My player character was a Vampire, which was back before Dawnguard so when you reached a level 4 (blood starved) vampire, you became a target for everyone until you fed again. I also had Argis the Bulwark as a follower, and two permanent zombies, One Foresworn Reaver and one Vampire Mistwalker.

I fast-travelled to Whiterun, forgetting I was a level 3 vampire, my hunger increased during the fast travel, so I emerged into Whiterun to see my followers embarking on an epic massacre of every NPC in Whiterun, barring the quest-related ones, who were almost all collapsed in piles everywhere.

I didn't participate, because I hadn't needed to. I ran away and fed on a Greybeard to reduce my level, then went back to Whiterun to visit the tombs. It was packed with urns and coffins.

I felt quite bad to be honest.

(I also ended up with a bounty of about five million, so I could only set foot in Whiterun hold by stealthing about.)
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Re: Water cooler stories

Postby Delta Jim » Fri Jul 24, 2015 4:14 am

I was doing the assassination missions in Saints Row the Third and got to the last guy of the first set (as in the ones you can do right off the bat). The instructions are that the target is on the roof of a building waiting for a helicopter (that will never come, it's just a framing story). You have to fly your own chopper in and kill him.

When I first got the mission I didn't have a helicopter yet, so I tried the Saints VTOL (I have the Complete Edition with all the extra shit). Apparently it HAS to be a helicopter or he won't show up.

Eventually I found a chopper and decided to deal with him now. I landed on the building and saw that he had two bodyguards with him. So I jumped out, grabbed one, and threw him off the building. Then I grabbed the other and threw him right at the target, knocking them both off the building. Then I watched the target indicator, which tells you how far away the target is, as he fell.

100 ft... 200 ft... 300... 400... 500.

"Well, that went well" I said, debating whether to take the chopper home or just BASE jump off the building when... SON OF A BITCH!

He'd fallen almost 800 feet and only lost a small bit of health!

So I dove off the building and parachuted down. When I reached the bottom I pulled out my gun, walked up to him (he seemed to bear no ill will toward me for throwing him off a building), and shot him in the face. Apparently he was less resistant to bullets to the face.
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Re: Water cooler stories

Postby SilverMaple » Fri Jul 24, 2015 6:15 am

I'm going to shamelessly copy-paste the Cracked comment (on this article) I wrote about my favourite Bethesda game glitch so far.

Maple wrote:Skyrim glitch story time!

I was in Markarth, exiting the keep on a mission to fetch the MacGuffin of Power for the Jarl, so that he would like me enough to let me buy that sweet Dwarven house. Just before I opened the map to fast travel, however, I noticed something unusual cross my field of vision, not going across the street as is usual, but moving steadily upwards.

It was a guard, slowly being lifted into the air as if the Rapture had happened and he was the only one in Markarth to make the cut. Even as I tried to wrap my head around this, he crossed his arms and looked down at me as if to say "Dovahkiin ain't got nothing on this."

I was hoping he would continue his ascent all the way to the heavenly plane from whence he no doubt came, but alas, when he was slightly past the roof of the tallest building, he seemed to hit the game's ceiling and promptly fell a hundred feet to the ground, with only an "ugh!" to announce his passing.

I still have no idea what the hell might have caused that, but I dragged his body into the river that goes through the town in order to give him some semblance of a Viking burial at sea. After all, the guy was clearly the chosen of Talos...or the Bethesda glitch gods, anyways.
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Re: Water cooler stories

Postby BROWNRECLUSE » Fri Jul 24, 2015 1:48 pm

I fondly recall a time playing Skyrim, I was exploring the countryside near Whiterun and saw the Giant's Camp in the distance.

As I am making my way towards it, I hear the roar of a dragon. I look up and see him descend into the camp and start fighting with the mammoth that was there.

I stop at the edge of the camp and watch as the dragon kills the mammoth and continues to fight with the giant. Several strikes later, the giant falls, and I run over to attack the dragon. The dragon's health was down to a sliver or two, which was no problem. Three swings of my sword and he goes down.

So, I was able to get another Dragon Soul and effortlessly loot the Giant's Camp.
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Re: Water cooler stories

Postby Malfeasinator » Thu Aug 13, 2015 9:21 pm

I got a lot of Skyrim stories, but then I played the mess out of Skyrim.

My favorite story is when I found this bird near Forelhost, which is a hard to get to Draugr fort near Riften. There's a little questline you can do and you can learn a lot about the history of the Nords and fight a Dragon Priest there and yada yada yada, but the cool thing was this bird's nest I found.

I was just going to try to snatch up an egg. Instead, though, there was this mangled up cardboard box looking thing with a bird design on it. I realized that of all the flying birds I see in the game, I never actually saw any up close.

All the birds you see in the game are an optical illusion.

I watched the bird, and it kind of chilled in its nest a while and then took off. It flies in a pre-programmed pattern, coming back to the nest a while, and then starting over again.

Keep in mind, I found out about this before any of the DLCs came out. I wondered if I could hop on it and ride it around like it was a car from the GTA series or something. I saved, and yes, it turned out, I could stand on top of it, though it was very unstable to do so, and ride it for some time as it flew.

I beheld majestic mountainside scenery and views that I could not have seen otherwise at the time. I tried my hardest to correct my stance to stay on the bird, but inevitably, I would fall to my death.

Sometimes I still go back to that bird, and I fly for a little while. Sure, I can use dragons now, but it's not the same. I found a way to fly before I was supposed to, and that was pretty cool to me.

Also, on another note: I had the "un-updated" version of Skyrim for the 360 because I didn't have it hooked up to the Internet, and there are a lot of "signs they took things out of the game" that got later removed in the updated versions. There was a Shadowmark for "escape route" underneath the small bridge in Whiterun by the main gate. It's not there in later versions of the game. I wonder what you were supposed to escape from?
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Re: Water cooler stories

Postby mancityfooty » Thu Aug 13, 2015 11:31 pm

I'm on my fourth or fifth playthrough of skyrim. I've only completed the main quest once, but other times I get to a certain point and if I don't play for awhile I get the itch to start over again. I do the same with Fallout. I don't know, new beginnings?
The last time I started I put off the Dawnstar quests and Adrianne from Warmaidens in Whiterun ended up dying. That was the reason I started again. I could see the sadness in Ulfberth's eyes everytime I had to go into the damn store instead of doing my business outside.
Oh, right, a story.
So this time, I'm doing the Dawnstar stuff first. There's only been one vampire attack on Whiterun so far and of course the corpses are still there.
A dragon attacked.
It was taken down within steps of my house; and, afterwards, there was just two lines of people on both sides of the skeleton just standing there. I absorbed the soul and had to push my way through to get around them.

Another time, one of the stable owners was buried up to his neck. Still talking and able to converse, but just a head on the ground. I showed the wife and decided to play with it a little bit. I hit a few times with my sword but he didn't die. I still got charged with something, though. So I paid my fine and went back to see how he was doing. There were now somewhere between 5 and 10 heads on the ground. All the same guy, all saying the same things in unison.

And playing games on GTA5, I have gotten a 180 on darts several times and a hole in one playing golf. Once.
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Re: Water cooler stories

Postby Anglerphobe » Fri Aug 14, 2015 5:04 pm

Skyrim

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I decided to bring Serana on Meridia's quest, because who better to take on a crusade against the undead than my pet necromancer vampire? We had an easy time through the majority of the dungeon, but of course I knew that the real challenge was in the final chamber. Malkoran, the master necromancer and boss of Kilkreath Temple, is a very powerful cryomancer. He has Icy Spear and Ice Storm, both of which can be devastating to both health and stamina.

When we arrived outside Malkoran's chamber, I buffed as much as possible to protect myself from his spells and increased my mana pool with potions. I barreled into the room, dodging through Malkoran's mooks, and shouted him down with an Ice Form Thu'um. He toppled over, frozen stiff, and came under a barrage of fireballs. I spared no mana expense in the bombardment, using the aoe effect of the spells to dispatch most of the shades to boot. Malkoran was just about able to stand before he died, never getting a spell off.

Malkoran spawns a very potent shade on death, something I had forgotten. My volley of mana draining fireballs had all but exhausted my ability to cast, so I was barely able to escape. I got zapped by two shock spells as I flailed, which burned away all of my remaining mana. As I was frantically making peace with Akatosh, Malkoran jogged past me, blasting his shade self with Ice Storms. Serana had raised him from the dead to kick his own arse for me.

I chuckled, popped Highborn, and dived right back in with more fireballs. Malkoran was winning handily, and my "look, I'm helping!" spells damaged him to. This caused him to aggro me once his spectral counterpart had fallen, and hurl an Icy Spear into my stomach. The stamina and movement speed penalty forced me to engage him in a magic duel, with Serana vamp draining from the flank. We overwhelmed him, at a considerable cost of both health and mana, and were of course immediately confronted with another shade as he collapsed into a pile of zombie dust. It spawns every time Malkoran dies.

After we scraped through the battle with a sliver of health and spell impact marks allover the room, I turned around to Serana. The character's AI is idiosyncratic to say the least, but in this moment it pulled off the perfect punchline to this whole ridiculous scenario. She looked up at me, and shrugged. It couldn't have been better or funnier if it was a scripted event.


Dark Souls

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I was fishing around for some PvP in Dukes as a Dark Wraith, doing some Siegmeyer cosplay (Full Catarina, Pierce Shield, Chaos Zweihander+5, Havel's Ring, FAP Ring) in search of scrubs to pwn. On my third invasion, I got ganked horrifically. A filthy dark sorcery using host with two white phantoms, one Haveltank and one Dex katana user. I tried, but three to one is almost impossible.

I was fastrolling, so I managed to get two solid stunlocking hits on the host (the only one I needed to kill to win)but I was driven back by his cronies while he healed. This happened again a few minutes later, so I started trying to lure them around the Archives, kiting more normal enemies in to disrupt the ganksquad and open up the host for an attack. This was moderately successful, but I still couldn't finish him off without getting backstabbed by the katana guy.

Eventually, I managed to lure them all onto one of the Hogwarts staircases, and pulled the lever to rotate it. They chased me as we span, but it had the desired effect of breaking the ganksquad up. I used the height advantage of the staircase to leap over them, rolling right behind the host. In the confusion, he never saw it coming. The backstab almost got him, and a two handed R2 finished the job. The other two killed me a second later, but it was still a win.
I did a little dance of victory in my room.
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To sharpen others, when themselves are blunt."

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Re: Water cooler stories

Postby Mr.FishFace » Sat Aug 15, 2015 3:30 am

I was messing around in Far Cry 4 once, killing Royal Army soldiers with my bow. I decided to do some Legolas shit and jumped in the air and try to 360 no-scope them. Being the noob that I am I only made it to about 180, but somehow I got a perfect headshot. In an ironic twist, immediately after landing I got killed by a random car I apparently didn't see.
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Re: Water cooler stories

Postby Malfeasinator » Wed Aug 19, 2015 5:46 pm

I've been playing Skyrim again as a character that I've never quite been able to pull off in the past, that I really want to try out.

The very first time I played Skyrim, I had a very successful Breton with mad magic resistance and absorbz and overpowered crafting going on. I had healing spells free due to enchantments, healing healed Stamina from a perk, one armed and heavy armor were rocking out and I had the perk that made worn armor weigh nothing, as well as Muffle and Waterbreathing enchantments. I basically never had to use the favorites menu, because I could just sprint basically forever and never needed to switch out weapons or tactics because a one-handed War Axe was good enough to get the job done. I think I was doing over 300 damage per hit. I kept myself a Werewolf just to keep the disease immunity.

It was ridiculous. Good fun, being doom's herald, but there was no challenge to anything. Run up in there and wipe everything out with brutal efficiency; that was the only plan. I got the drop on most things because I was fast and silent, and I could wait for a dragon to land and be there to dole out the pain in no time.

Breaking away from that playing style has been hard. I'm too used to doing my routine of enchantment grinding. I had an idea from a character build that I did for Fallout 3 - the character that could survive and thrive with nothing. In F3, it wasn't so hard if you got the right perks going on. Unarmed combat was insanely useful for sparing ammo as it was, (drop a Super Mutant Behemoth with Paralyzing Palm sometime - you'll thank me), and with enough damage resistance from perks, it was like you were always wearing combat armor.

In Skyrim it doesn't go so well. Oblivion had an Unarmed fighting skill, Morrowind had an Unarmored skill, but Skyrim doesn't have such things. You need a perk to make heavy armor help unarmed attacks, or enchantments to make you do more damage.

Naturally magic would be the next best choice, since physically it's just not very feasible to do what you have to do with nothing. I don't like using Destruction, well, mostly I don't like to just play keep away with spells. I want to feel more hands on.

I've been messing around with Illusion and Conjuration. Conjuration is pretty sweet, especially when you get to the Dremora Lords, plus you can summon weapons from thin air that are actually pretty powerful. Illusion is great for not being seen or heard, which actually help you build up Sneak really well, and you can manipulate enemies in interesting ways. I dual charged a fear-type effect and used it on a Dwarven Centurion. It ran from me. IT ran from ME. It had nowhere to go, though, so I whaled on it with the Glass Dagger I had at the time until it collapsed in a heap.

Being "one with nothing" is still hard with magic to sneak around and instant buddies to summon. So, I've come up with the compromise of actually using a ... companion. I've also decided, from playing around with the Werewolf perks, that being a Werewolf can be fun (lasted 36 in-game days at one stretch before I got bored and used "wait" to make it wear off). I also think the Werewolf thing has good flavor for being a way to survive on your own as well as having a secret weapon. I tried the Vampire Lord thing but I wasn't very impressed. This is coming from a huge "Legacy of Kain" fan.

My companion of choice is the apprentice to the Telvanni wizard; Talvas. Dude is a wrecking ball. I'm not even using hyperbole there. If vampires attack, he will be deadlier to the good guys than the vampires, because he likes to use spells that explode... and they kind of take it personally. He also summons stuff - fire or frost atronachs.

So my playing style is something of a compromise right now. I'm thinking my playing style is going to devolve into Riggs and Murtah or Bad Boys or something where we are reckless as shit but damn, we get the job done. I have to make it through the Black Books to get the perks there and get the Dremora Butler dude and make sure I don't kill my follower, and I'll be alright.
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Re: Water cooler stories

Postby BROWNRECLUSE » Sat Aug 22, 2015 11:36 pm

If you want to be an unarmed fighting master, go the Robbaz route.

(Language warning)
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