by blehblah » Thu Apr 02, 2015 6:49 pm
I'm not sure if I can really enjoy The Walking Dead until they sort-out the cross-over with Breaking Bad.
Merle's meth? Blue.
Walter White's meth? Blue.
Right, so, Merle bought a bag o' meth from someone, and that meth was produced by Walter White. Meanwhile, zombie apocalypse.
Jesse Pinkman drives away, after having had a bad week, or whatever. Where is he going? We don't know. What will he find? Zombies.
Pinkman drives, and drives, stops for gas at a now-abandoned station, fills-up, continues driving, and driving, and driving. He's a bit stressed, on account of his less-than-optimal week, punctuated by mass killings, and so-on. He's in a bit of a fog. Eventually, he arrives in a place where he doesn't know where he is.
The first thing Pinkman sees are zombies. Would he see them as zombies? No, of course not. The PSA stuff about meth makes it quite clear - do meth, even once, and you become a zombie!
Pinkman, in no mood to deal with meth-head zombies, yells, "Back-off, bitches!" as he encounters his first bunch of zombies. Close-by, Rick has just filled-up his tank, while slowly (every so slowly, with much introspection - slow introspection, while growing a beard, and... ugggghhhh).
Pinkman is travelling from the middle of nowhere to a more populated place, while Rick is moving out of a populated place (and then going back, and back again, and... well... where do we go with this... oh, yes, FARM!).
Anyhow, it starts to dawn on Pinkman that the zombies aren't the usual meth-heads of PSA fame. A la "Shaun of the Dead", he suddenly realizes, "The script says it's time to do something irrational". Meanwhile, Rick and Shane are reading a similar, but different, script, with Carl, though Shane's script is a few pages shorter.
The hook - is Walter dead? Where all those people he killed infected? Hmm... middle of nowhere, so maybe not. The infection hasn't reached that part of nowhere, yet (ba-ba-ba-daaaahhh <--- by way of music).
Right. Fast-forward through Farm, Prison, Lorie, Guvnerd, zombies, Train Yards level from several video games, cannibalism, farming, prisoning, love gained, love lost, Luna Lovegood-ish singing some songs to fill air-time, writers spit-balling how this could last another ten, twenty, maybe two, seasons... I mean, eventually, you'll run-out of dead people, it's Georgia, not fucking India, and why has not one person figured "A boat, a motherfucking boat"?).
At some point, Pinkman, who has been making his way in the zombie world because he's a survivor, encounters the Walking Dead characters.
Saul is dead, just FYI. Absolutely, completely, dead and consumed. His clients ate him. There's a "Pound of flesh" joke in there, but I won't commit to it, because it would be wrong. However, that's probably the series finale of Better Call Saul, just FYI. It's all coming together.
Yet another side-note, do zombies poop? If they eat, they must poop, and if they poop, they must also pee. Seeing as how there are herds of them roaming about, it shouldn't be difficult to get a handle on where they've been and where they are going. Eh, another tangent.
Pinkman hooks-up with Rick and the gang. Obviously, Rick wins the beard stand-off against Pinkman, after much introspection and such (on Rick's part, Pinkman yells, "Bitches!", and is outwardly conflicted, versus Rick's inward conflicts). Carl likes Pinkman, because he says, "Bitch!" often, and has a cavalier attitude toward zombies, "I knew meth-heads before they were zombies, Carl, now they act the same, but I make fuck-all money from them. Say, is your dad a cop, or something, and would you like some meth?"
I forgot to mention that the whole time this is taking-place, Daryl is squinting. He squints, progressively harder, until he reaches Gilbert Gottfried levels of squinting, but with a crossbow. His squinting is so hard that he could stand upon the surface of the sun during a partial eclipse, and tell you how it went. Eskimos in July will look at the snow, look at the twenty-four hour sun, look at Daryl, and declare, "That's some serious squint he has going".
Okay, side story aside, from the other side-story, with the other story, because apparently there is a story, about zombies and meth.
Uhm, right... so, the dead people are dead, and Carl isn't, while Shane and Lorie are. Who else? [Sound of erasers at the end of pencils being drummed on blank pages].
"There's a comic?"
What is your name?
"New writer, uhm, I'm a new..."
This "comic" idea, you do know this is not a comedy, Mr. New Writer Comic Idea, HAR!
"But, it's, like, it's right here... and, I mean, it's based on this, so, we..."
How long would it take to eat you, I wonder.
"That's not, what are you, exactly?"
By now, you should have watched the PSA.
"Look, okay, fine, forget the thing about Breaking Bad, it was just an idea to riff on..."
We don't, how did you put it, "riff", here.
"Yeah, okay, I get that, but the goal was to widen, somehow, where we could go with...|"
Do you know what nemesis means?
A quantum state of signature may or may not be here... you just ruined it.