Aquaman (2018)

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Aquaman (2018)

Postby KleinerKiller » Sat Jul 21, 2018 8:58 pm

Hey kids, see if you can spot everything in this trailer that's just the first Thor or Black Panther!



I kid, I kid. For all the faults with DC's shambling attempt at a cinematic universe thus far (and the faults are myriad), this looks decent, if once again painfully derivative. Atlantis is cool, Jason Momoa makes up for not being the strongest actor in the world by at least being halfway charming as this bro-y version of Aquaman, and I'm enamored with the ocean so I'm predisposed to want an underwater action blockbuster. The CGI on the sea creatures doesn't look fantastic, though.

The one thing I find particularly noteworthy is that there appear to be two central antagonists: Aquaman's half-brother Orm (apparently the supervillain "Ocean Master" in the comics) who wants to go to war with the surface world, and the surface-dwelling Black Manta (whom I'm far more familiar with) who wants to go to war with the ocean. Villain overcrowding has historically been a problem in comic book movies (though both the MCU and the DCEU have sidestepped it, barring Suicide Squad and the fact that only Phase 3 Marvel has delivered a run of consistently good villains anyway), but pitting them against each other with Aquaman caught in the middle is a legitimately neat idea that I hope pays off.

(Side note: the fact that I started to mistype Aquaman as "Thor" every time I had to refer to him should maybe set off some alarms.)
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Re: Aquaman (2018)

Postby KryingKraken » Sat Jul 21, 2018 10:11 pm

Okay, I know these probably shouldn't be the first details that I bitch about, but you bullied me so here I am.

Rant 1) Dudes riding sharks. Sounds good in theory, until you look at the great whites (edit: I now realize they may be megalodons, which could null half this argument) all lined up in a row and they're all.... sitting still?? Now, not all sharks need to be swimming in order to breathe (thanks to buccal pumping), but great whites are obligate ram ventilators, and must swim almost constantly or die. Let's say this breathing wasn't an issue though; sharks also lack the swim bladders that most bony fish have, which means they aren't limited in the water column, and they can go wherever they please without fear of, well, dying. Unfortunately, their oily livers aren't necessarily buoyant enough to keep them from sinking if they stay still, so these sharks are still doomed to sink.

Rant 2) Why aren't there literally any kind of other sharks shown?? Tiger sharks can be some big mean bastards too, just ride those and one of the two problems from rant one would be solved. Easy. Thinking about this rant actually brings me to my third and final shark rant for now.

Rant 3) Great white sharks.... in the aquarium. You may have seen lil smol boi Aquaman scaring off the typical school bullies by standing with some scary ass fish behind him, most notably the great white shark. Great shot, DC, but great whites can't survive in captivity. Like, at all. The current record-holder was one that lasted for a whopping 6 months, but almost EVERY OTHER GW died within a day or two. Not to mention that sharks don't like hitting hard objects such as glass with their noses; they're extremely sensitive and can die after just a few hits.

Wow that was way longer than I anticipated, all just over a few seconds of sharks, but it's the little things in life. :')
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Re: Aquaman (2018)

Postby Deathclaw_Puncher » Sat Jul 21, 2018 10:46 pm

Meh. Craig Ferguson did it better.
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Re: Aquaman (2018)

Postby NathanLoiselle » Sun Jul 22, 2018 12:42 am

You forgot Cthulu's children, the fish people.
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Re: Aquaman (2018)

Postby Aquila89 » Thu Jul 26, 2018 9:40 am

What was with that goat at the end of the trailer? Kind of surreal.
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Re: Aquaman (2018)

Postby Deathclaw_Puncher » Thu Jul 26, 2018 5:28 pm

Nothing wrong with some gratuitous goats.
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Re: Aquaman (2018)

Postby Australia » Tue Jan 01, 2019 1:25 am

Sigh.
Image

The Good
I really thought that when I turned 30, I’d start wondering why I haven’t done anything with my life. Instead I asked why I have to watch Aquaman when nobody reads these things anyway. So that’s good. I have whatever’s above first world problems because I don’t even care about things that are serious to me.

It was better than BVS.

It was better than Man Of Steel.

It was better than Suicide Squad.

It was wetter than Wonder Woman.

Did Justice League come out or was that a fever dream I had? No, fever dreams are more eventful (I had the flu a month ago, trust me, it was like the Simpsons chili episode) than that nothing-good-but-nothing-bad “film” I’ve never gone back to. I guess it was better than Justice League.

Those George Clooney Nescafe commercials before the movie have gotten funnier, haven’t they? Still won’t drink coffee because I’m a 30 year old who still drinks hot chocolate (more often coca-cola given who drinks hot drinks in Australian weather except for coffee-drinkers?) but it’s a refreshing ad in between all those car ads.

The underwater shots are amazing. I really can’t fault the cinematography. Ever since the first underwater movie I saw as a kid (it was either Thunderball or The Abyss), I’ve loved just seeing things and people swimming in the depths of the ocean and in this case, they’re blasting each other with superpowers. It was something different.

Don’t get me wrong, it was stupid, but I did enjoy Vinnie D and the Furious gang having a car chase completely in the background of that exposition scene. I don’t really like that franchise either but if this is hinting towards combining the universes, I wouldn’t be opposed. They’re all invincible anyway, may as well give an in-universe reason. Having said that, it wasn’t as subtle as that Community episode and I ended up completely missing what the exposition was. Something about Atlantis being a front for Al Capone or something? The timeline is really confusing but then again, Wonder Woman’s been mourning a man she knew a week for over a century so people could view time differently in this world.

Okay, so there were a couple of Marvel jabs, one of which I’ll bring up later because HOLY SHIT but I could see where they were going with Hasselhoff showing up with an eyepatch and asking Aquaman to join a team only for Aquaman to say he’s already got one and stabbing him in the other eye with a trident. It’s a little similar to the Wolverine cameo in First Class but if I was going to judge this movie for unoriginality, we’d be here all day.

I’m not a fan of Spongebob but the pineapple under the sea that Aquaman swims past could just as easily be a Psych Easter egg so I deem it worthy.

“IRS? No, you have the wrong number. This is… Land…girl. Yes, I do have a deep voice, thanks for noticing.”

“Alright, team, we’ve only got one shot at this. Synchronise your swimming.”

“Why couldn’t you be the other type of mermaid, with the fish part at the top and the lady part at the bottom?”

“That’s your solution to everything, to move under the sea. It’s not going to happen.”

“That’s my secret, Bats. I’m always wet.” Bow-chicka-wow-wow.

The Bad
There was zero plot.

There was zero characters.

There was zero dolphin riding.

I didn’t realise the Thanos’ snap affected things outside of the MCU but my interest completely disappeared in the half of the scenes that were on land.

Aquaman’s dad telling him not to save the Titanic because “maybe landies deserve to die” did nothing to help me sympathise with him but then his mum started that Not All Icebergs movement and I just wanted Atlantis to burn to the ground, however improbable that would be.

Leave it to DC to have the climactic fight of a movie called Aquaman in the desert. Because that’s why people bought the ticket.

The scene where Aquaman shape of waters that clownfish would make Troy McClure blush. I understand he can speak to marine life but that doesn’t mean they’re the same level of intelligence as him. You don’t see Scott Lang shoving ants down his pants. At least not on screen. Then again, he can barely string two monosyllabic words together and those words are always “My man”, which his love interest doesn’t seem to appreciate.

Look, I don’t mind a little fan-service and inter-franchise ribbing if it’s fun and light-hearted. Deadpool does it well. But Aquaman drinking a beer whilst pissing on Stan Lee’s grave was not only not amusing, it was offensive, and I’m not offended by anything. Into the Spiderverse had a lovely Stan Lee cameo that didn’t take itself too seriously and this almost desecrates that by swinging way too far in the other direction.

My popcorn was stale. Unforgivable.

What the hell kind of costume is a banana hammock and a pair of socks with a hole in them? It leaves him way too vulnerable to attack. I realise abs are what we all came for but have some subtlety.

Aquaman and his brother didn’t settle their differences because their mum had the same name. Or Dad. Whichever half that makes that joke work.

The Ugly
Look, I understand reshoots and budget cuts happen but it’s really jarring for the main character to inexplicably change actors halfway through the movie, especially when Jason Mamoa and Vinnie Chase look nothing alike. They didn’t even keep the tattoos.


Okay, you caught me. I haven’t seen the movie. But in my defence, I don’t want to. It’s only been out here for a weekend so if I do end up watching it, I guess I’ll write a real review. I just didn’t want to end the year with a lacklustre movie. I mean, Vice wasn’t a spectacular choice to cap off 2018 but it was solid and has a great credits scene. (I’ve also seen the fantastic Into the Spiderverse a couple weeks back, which I’ll mention just to say it has possibly the best end credits scene ever but for the same reason I didn’t GBU Incredibles 2, critiquing animated movies just seems kind of dumb. They’re cartoons. I really don’t think anyone should be taking them seriously and the kiddy stuff is in there because well, it’s a kids’ medium for the most part. (“Unlike all the other superhero movies”, yeah, yeah, I’m aware it’s not a sensible argument). Anyway, sorry, my New Year’s Resolution was not to trick people and now all you Aquafans have flooded (heh) in to see my thoughts on your favourite movie only to find out I’ve never cared about the franchise and won’t even keep my promise to watch them all opening weekend for these purposes. But the important thing is this entertained me more than the movie would have. (I’m happy to be proven wrong, I want all movies to be good).

Got you again, I didn’t make a New Year’s Resolution this year. Someone call Aquaman because I’m on fire.

Got you again again, that was hyperbole. Okay, I’ll stop now.

No, I won’t.
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Re: Aquaman (2018)

Postby Australia » Tue Jan 08, 2019 11:37 pm

Image

So I’ve been going to a lot of movies lately because it’s December and January in Queensland and I don’t have air-con. And look, considering there’s been five movies in the franchise and only one of them can really be considered even close to good, this new one blows the rest out of the water. It’s not a great movie by any means but it’s certainly good, fun, amusing, action-packed and even heartfelt. Plus the opening scene is one of the coolest things I’ve seen all year and is by far the best scene in the franchise.

Oh, and I also watched Aquaman. Not nearly enough transforming in this one, not even metaphorically, but let me try to bumble my way through a real review. A lot of the stuff I guessed ended up being correct but I won’t double up the content. The first eight notes were spot on though. Anyway, enough stalling. I give you my thorts on Arthor. That was my first note. Pretty subtle, huh? Okay, it’s my only note. I don’t know what you want me to do with this. It’s a nothing movie so I have nothing to say. I guess I could write some things down though.

The Good
The new Godzilla movie looks like it could be a contender for my favourite movie of the year, but I may be putting too much stock in the King Ghidorah glimpse at the end of the trailer. But onto the movie we’ve been waiting for ever since that thrilling email attachment all those years ago.

Okay, so my favourite scene in the movie by a long shot is the one where the hundreds of devolved fishmen attacked Arthur and Mirra on the stolen boat. It was tense, horrifying and looked amazing. Almost like the director has a horror background or something.

The directing and effects make up for the lack of acting and writing. It’s kind of like Valerian and Avatar. I don’t like those films but I’m glad I saw them on the big screen because they look amazing. Of course, Fury Road and Infinity War look amazing and are fantastic movies as well, but for world-building alone, Aquaman gets a tick for watchable movie.

Oh, I was so pissed off when Aquaman finished his trident quest and didn’t end up doing anything with the awesome monster. I was pumped for him to fight it or swim around him really fast so he gets tied up by his own tentacles or seduce him or anything. But the monster just rocks up, says “Av’a’go” and leaves. Just when I was thinking “Come on, he couldn’t have at least tamed the beast so he could be there for the final battle?” it cuts to Aquaman riding him into battle. That was badass.

No soap opera brooding. Well, less. Arthur seemed to enjoy fighting for the most part. I’m not sure I cared whether he lived or died, but I did like watching him and not just for the abs.

The weird shit. Crab people, shark-riding, fish-skewering, an octopus on drums. Made a generic movie look more interesting.

Arthur’s kind of grown a brain. Not a smart one but a working one. He was even Indiana Jonesing about and solving puzzles for about ten minutes there.

Best animal double-take since Moonraker.

Holy crap. They actually had the balls to go back to the ‘rivalry anti-climactically resolved because their mother has the same name/pulse’ mill. I’m pretty sure they were in the exact same position as well, only Aquaman was holding a trident and Bats was holding a giant metal glove or something? I mean, sure, this deserves to be in the bad, but I have been bitching about that being a one-time thing since BVS and I don’t want to be a hypocrite.

The Bad
You can’t tease Arthur being named after Arthurian legend and then not have the villains end up being the Knights who say “Ni”.

The literal fish out of water stuff with Mera would have been funny if they hadn’t just done that with Wonder Woman.

Black Manta survived? Why? I don’t mind an idiotic villain as long as they’re entertaining. A different Arthur in Anna and the Apocalypse had virtually zero motive and he was my favourite character in that film. But this guy who always knew he’d meet Aquaman but never looked up what could kill him blames Aquaman for his dad killing himself while trying to kill Aquaman the same way he’d hit him dead-on twice to zero effect just rocks up, gets his ass handed to him halfway through the movie, then wakes up after the credits and swears to do the exact same thing again. Hey, remember in Dr Strange when Mordo was an ally who is disillusioned by the end of the movie and decides after the credits to embrace being a villain? That’s called a character arc. For someone that was interesting to begin with. Two-zip, Manta.

Oh, yeah, when Arthur was attacking the sub and they were arguing about it being a man, nobody said ‘what is he, some kind of Aquaman?’ Also, they all recognised him when he came on board so I don’t know why it took them so long to figure out what was happening.

Dolph Lundgren was the best part of Creed 2 and the worst part of this movie. Not sure how that happened. He’s not a spectacular actor but he wasn’t even trying to be Dolph in this movie. Dolph-in this movie. Dolphin. See, if there’d been transforming in this movie and he turned into a dolphin, that joke wouldn’t work so you brought it on yourself, movie.

Mera thinks of Arthur as a chore the entirety of the film but once he Black Panthers his way to being King, she makes out with him. Classic gold-digging behaviour.

The rainbowfish bridge didn’t stop whatsisname from getting the Marthabox last year.

So it was obvious Kidman was still alive given the de-aging at the start of the movie but it’s not remotely surprising that she’s with the trident because there’s half an hour left and she and the trident hadn’t appeared yet. It’s not like Red Skull guarding the stone, where you’ve stopped wondering where he’s been ten movies ago. I don’t usually care about that stuff as long as I buy that it’s surprising to the hero (same with mysteries where the baddie is logically somebody but there’s no evidence flashing in the hero’s face) but the fact that it took so long to get there was a drag.

So many boring flashbacks. I like flashbacks in TV shows where they flesh out characters you think you know but let’s not pretend Arthur has the depth of Atlantis’ co-ordinates and you don’t have 16 hours to kill in the story. Not sure how an Aquaman movie set after Justice League can still have originitis.

“It’s a long story.” No, it isn’t. You found her in the Missing Kingdom.

I can't count the amount of times a boring conversation was interrupted with an explosion on two hands. There are other ways of advancing the plot.

The Ugly
Image
Yes, so much fire underwater is why I looked this up (because I need some sleep and can't fish the DVD out and screen-grab the scene myself but the ugly has changed to the unnecessary 'of' in that subtitle.


Let’s just say Aquaman literally stinks so bad, he can smell himself underwater but the movie doesn’t stink that much. But that’s my response to most of these Worlds of DC movies. I don’t hate it but then I never think about it again.
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