Justice League

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Justice League

Postby Australia » Fri Nov 17, 2017 12:43 am

Well, I got a year’s worth of electricity bills in the mail, totalling over 900 dollary-doos, so I figured as long as I’m wasting money, I may as well see Justice League. Sigh*.

Look, I didn’t hate it but I didn’t like it either. I feel like even my favourite scene will be ultimately forgettable because, well, that’s the movie in a nutshell. I remember going to see The Avengers for the first time and it was so exciting to see all these ridiculous characters teaming up and bouncing off each other. This was… not that. It’s just a movie that happened. There’s no ‘Martha!’ moment but there’s no ‘I’m always angry’ moment either. It’s just a whole bunch of nothing, so it’ll be hard to categorise what’s good and what’s bad but why start making this format objective now? I have to write this down before I forget whatever remnants are left in my brain. I always have more fun with the negative zone so expect that to be at least twice as long as the positive now that there’s finally a superhero movie this year that deserves harsh criticism. I think Iron Fist was the last real roasting I did and that was probably on par with this in terms of watchability.

The Good
I wasn’t actively rooting against the heroes, which is a thing I have to actually clarify with the DCEU movies. I mean I didn’t care what they were doing but it’s amazing what letting superheroes enjoy doing their jobs does for their likability.

My favourite scene was the battle beneath the harbour when the plot finally started. It was legitimately fun, the action was pretty sweet and they felt like a team. And ding ding ding. It was the first time they met the villain and they weren’t able to immediately kill them like Enchantress, Ares, Doomsday and I want to say Zod? I haven’t seen that since it came out. I know the fight went on forever and there was an invite to join the dark side but I think that might all unfold during their first meeting from the spaceship onwards. Regardless, it’s been a while since a DCEU hero has to lose against a villain before they can win in a later battle. Well done.

The dialogue was terrible and clunky for the most part but the visual jokes were solid. The movie actually got a laugh out of me when Flash was pushing a car out of danger only to turn and see Superman flying an entire apartment complex out of the way.

Diana is still my favourite Justice League member but the others are getting better. I didn’t want to punch Batman in the face or stab Superman in the groin with a kryptonite harpoon. I wouldn’t go as far as saying I like them but they’re alright. Flash probably takes second place because he has a consistent personality and I don’t have a grudge for him playing a major part in the dreck of movies past. That actually reminds me he’s probably the comic relief because I just remembered another great gag, which was the sheer expression of fear on his face when Supermanic saw him speeding up behind him.

You know what? There weren't many torturous slow motion shots that have been super annoying, particularly in BVS and even Wonder Woman. Like, surely there's a Youtube video out there of one of those jumping shots in real time being spliced with the intended victim leaving, going to buy a hot dog, eating it, then returning to the spot and checking their watch before being hit. Is that too specific an expectation?

Also, no explosions were denoted by urine in a jar.


The Bad
Robocop is a thundering dumbass. He goes off to get the last Pandora’s box and then brings it back to the EXACT SPOT Steppenwolf just was? How goddamn lucky are you that he’d pissed off by then?

But wait, the world’s greatest detective is here to make you look better by doing the same thing. I assumed he was taking his sweet ass time joining the fight against Supermanic because he was collecting the Aboxalypse that got thrown into a parking lot or whatever. Nope, he was calling Supe’s girlfriend. Okay, dude, whatever. Shocker that leaving the box out in the open turned out to be a worse idea than keeping it under lock and key. Though now that I think about it, Robocop got that box very quickly so it probably wasn’t well-guarded to begin with.

Oh, and the same world’s goddamn greatest detective, with the help of Fishman outed himself as Batman to a group – nay, a colony of strangers for no reason. It was literally “I need to talk to you in private.” “Nah.” “I’m Batman though.” “Oh, look, everyone, just because Gotham’s Bruce Wayne says he’s Batman, he thinks he’s good enough to talk to me.” Someone needs to make a mashup gif of Aquaman slapping Batman with a fish, Monty Python-style. Or not.

Robocop was not as cool as the real Robocop, who isn’t a real Robocop anywhere but my heart, but I wanted a bunch of cool robot tricks but he doesn’t really have a shining moment. Neither does Fishman for that matter. Actually, none of them do. I mean, Wonder Woman does this thing at the start where she’s blocking machine gun bullets that are all being fired in one direction. That would be a cool moment if the guy was shooting at hostages swinging his hand back and forth and she had to block the bullets with her wrist bands running one way and blocking the hostages behind her some other way but as it was, it’s hardly Quicksilver in Future Past levels of spectacular. My point is Aquaman doesn't do much aqua stuff and Cyborg doesn't do much robot stuff.

And on speedsters, I didn’t hate Barry as a character. I mean, I like the TV version better, he’s a lot more endearing, but he’s fun enough. Actually, there was a rather generic episode of The Flash I saw yesterday that I enjoyed more than this movie, and given that this cost hundreds of times the amount that would have cost, it doesn’t bode well. Anyway, I like the TV speed effect more than this lazy one, though neither compare to the X-Men movies.

As with all of the movies in this universe, the first act was way too long and unnecessary. It was at least an hour of Bruce rounding up the gang that he found on an email attachment and surprising to nobody, being introduced to them in that boring a way does not make them instantly connectable characters when they show up in this one.

The plot was wrapped up very quickly. Too quickly for any stakes to actually set in. But I guess that’s better than letting me beg the movie to finish already which probably would have happened after another ten minutes. Back during Batman V Superman, the entire cinema was getting so physically restless wondering ‘is it just me or is this movie not good?’ that when the ‘Martha’ moment happened, if not all, a large majority of us were laughing in disbelief at that 'payoff' and it got louder when we realised everyone else was in the same position as us. And from then on, we weren’t concerned about being polite and just chuckled at the stupid stuff they wanted us to take seriously. With this, once the plot finally started, at least there wasn’t an impatience to get on with it. It’s just, look Thor Ragnarok has a thin plot but it was satisfying to see it unfold alongside the side adventures the heroes went on. This didn’t.

I could write a novel and a half about how boring Steppenwolf was as a villain but instead, I’ll just say I would have forgiven the quite possibly worst villain in movie history if there’d been a moment where one of the Legionnaires said “You’re too late!” and he replied, “It’s not too late. It’s never too late.” Because, you know, if he shoehorned in “Born To Be Wild”, he would have been wildly overvaluing his performance, in which case, I guess it would be fitting. I like moustache-twirling villains if they have creativity behind them like Durant from Darkman who loves chopping off fingers and using desktop toys as weapons. I know to hate the guy despite his one-dimensional motives because he still has a personality behind him. I honestly kept forgetting Steppenwolf existed while he was on screen. And then I was like, oh, I guess they’re killing him now. Okay.

Apparently Alfred wants to fuck Diana. I mean, that’s fine, everyone else seems to as well and I can’t say I blame them, but Aquaman bringing it up because he was truth-lassoed is one thing, but I just… dude, I don’t want to cast aspersions and she’s older than you so it’s not a cradle-robbing thing, but I just don’t see a badass warrior settling down with a butler, so maybe don’t make suggestive comments to Bruce about how she’s in your spank bank too.

Lois Lane’s wannabe Dark Knight monologue at the end of the movie was not good. Why was that there? It was as generic as that recent Rick Grimes speech about how everyone has rights except for those people that don’t have rights, only replace the word ‘rights’ with ‘hope’ because if there’s one theme that the DCEU embodies, it’s hope? What? You just had a victory solely because of fear! Maybe she wasn’t in that abandoned building when it all went down and she’s hearing it third-hand. I honestly can’t remember if she was there. I don’t know why she would be but she went to help fight a monster in BVS so… no, wait, I’m pretty sure she sent Supes from the farm and didn’t go with him so she wasn’t there for the battle. Plothole solved, Batman told her they hoped Steppenwolf to death. Or the SMS recap Supes sent her auto-corrected to antonyms for some reason.

There’s one scene in particular where Superman’s lip looks plastic as fuck. Who knew CGI-ing off a moustache wouldn’t be flawless?


The Ugly
Wait a fucking minute. Superman is assuming his OLD identity? I was expecting Bruce to doctor up a new identity but… Clark Kent had an open casket funeral! What the actual fuck is wrong with Metropolians’ and Smallvians’ brains?


Come to think of it, a nothing movie probably does count as a bad movie. But it’s a flat 5/10 and I can’t justify rounding up or down as to whether it’s a thumbs up or down. I mean it is a thumbs-down, but I don’t hate it enough to justify it. If you’re not automatically going to this but you’re curious, wait for the DVD/digital release. There’s nothing so spectacular it must be seen on the big screen. It's the cheapest looking 300-million dollar movie I have ever seen.

Aw, crap, The Punisher comes out this weekend. I have to write a whole other one of these reviews in a few days. Because apparently I care about this tradition I’ve made for myself. At least that should be enjoyable.

*…I resisted the urge to add a *sigh* to the title of this thread because I can see people enjoying this who would think that’s an unfairly subjective way to open up a discussion. So I’m a hero, basically.
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Re: Justice League

Postby Doodle Dee. Snickers » Wed Nov 29, 2017 4:32 am

I liked this one well enough. I'd put it on par with Avengers, which admittedly says less about what I think of JL and more what I think of Avengers, which I regard as a plothole-ridden, nonsensical mess of a fun CGI-fest that is about the 4th or 5th best MCU movie.

The pros of this movie is that I continue to think that Batfleck is pretty good, Gal Gadot turns in a good performance once again as WW and as the team's tank, Superman (which isn't really a spoiler, since they put him on the updated poster and we all knew he was coming back) is actually a lot better in this movie than in the last one. The Flash's performance is...strange, but not bad. I don't think that Aquaman stole the show like everyone said, but he was still pretty fun whenever he was in the scene. There's a little more nuance to the characters this time around, and Batman in particular becomes more like his animated counterpart, especially in scenes where he's deliberately pushing people's buttons to force them into things and a moment where he's pretty casual about the idea of being killed for a greater cause.

The action is fun, and it's easier to follow than in the last movie. I especially liked scenes with WW, who basically serves as their tank with Supes gone. The humor's been cranked up in this, too, it's not quite as dreary as its predecessor. Also, not only is WW's lasso of truth used multiple times in this film, but it's hilarious almost every time. There were cool moments here and there (I'm not going to spoil anything, but there's a part with the Flash and Superman midway through the movie that I thought was really clever) and I really just came out pleasantly inclined to the movie, even if it wasn't the top fare of the year. Also, the chemistry is pretty good here. Unlike, say, Avengers, where I'm like "This is the dumbest argument I've ever heard (I've always had that problem with Joss Whedon, he was terrible at interpersonal drama in Firefly, too)", I get why people are being difficult toward each other in this movie.

Anyways, I think this movie could've used maybe fifteen or twenty minutes more on Aquaman and Cyborg specifically. Cyborg gets kinda shortchanged here in terms of development (though he does get a little bit) and Aquaman sees about ten seconds of exposition quickly jammed in during a scene where I wasn't expecting it and it was ridiculously forced.

The villain was also bland. That's a bit of a problem in a franchise with villains that are more interesting than the heroes--with the exception of Bats, obviously. He served his function well enough, and I enjoyed the scene in Themyscera pretty well, but he's still pretty boring. Darkseid was name-dropped in here, so I assume we'll be seeing him eventually (although with a post-credits scene heavily implying that the Legion of Doom is being formed, perhaps not).

Furthermore, we don't exactly get to see the scope of everyone's powers. I think Cyborg could've used some more cool and creative shit, and I did not see Aquaman talk to one single fish (although Batman does bring it up rather humorously). The scope of exactly how tough Wonder Woman is doesn't quite get spelled out here, either, though that isn't really a problem if you've already seen her movie (which did, in fact, make my top 5).

All in all, I'd give this movie a "B-". It's not incredible, it's not gonna see my Top 5, but it's hovering in the vicinity (although I also don't see a lot of movies every year, so that's not really saying much). It's like one of the better animated movies, though not among the best. I don't know why the critics on RT were so harsh on this one, especially considering that it's a definite improvement over the last one. A shame it didn't make as much money as they were hoping, but I'd recommend anyone who wants to just see a movie and don't know what to give it a shot if you've got nothing else to watch.
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