La Fine Cuisine avec LaChaise, episode 2
Hello ladies and gentlemen!
Do you think that the scotch, while fantastic, isn't enough for you anymore? Are you craving those "nutrients" the cool kids on the block are talking about?
Well search no further, for I am hereby presenting to you
La Fine Cuisine avec LaChaise!
Sorry for the long wait (if any of you were actually waiting for it), my silly body tried to keep me from cooking. But fear not, because OUR LOVE KNOWS NO BONDS!
Hem... Anyway, let's start!
Before we actually start, here's a pic of me and my trusty apron, because Zeke asked for it.
Never forget to bring your apron.
Today, we'll prepare a boeuf bourguignon, with the help of my dear Marilou! It's quite an easy recipe, just be sure to get to it when you have some time to spare, as it gets better the longer it cooks. Some recipes even ask you to let it cook for two days! Not this one though, I'm no sadist. (And I'm pretty sure I would have gone mad after just a few hours of smelling this deliciousness without being able to taste it)
The pills are just for me. Don't even THINK about putting them "because your date likes it better this way"
To make four servings, you'll need:
-1.8 pounds (800g) beef, in cubes of approximately 0.1 pound (50g)
-0.2 pounds (100g) lardons
-2 big onions
-One can of mushrooms (approximately 0.4 pound/200g). We call those "Mushrooms from Paris", Kate tells me it's button mushrooms or white mushrooms for you english speaking barbarians.
-One bottle of red wine (preferably Bourgogne, but anything will d... not blood, Rebo. Did you think I wouldn't see you? Put that girl back where you found her!)
-0.1 pound (50g) butter
-Bay Leaves (laurel)
-Salt and Pepper
-Pasta (either something like the ones on the pic, or tagliatelle)
-One Baguette. Yes, a baguette. Not your white bread or anything else. Respect the food. Enjoy the food. BECOME THE- WHAT DID I SAY REBO? GET OUT OF HERE NOW!
Is everything ready? Awesome!
Now, cut your onions in thin slices
Or ask your trusty girlfriend to do it if you don't want to cry.
After that, put the butter in a big pot on medium-high fire. Add the beef and the lardons when it's done melting, and let the bitch cook on the outside. It should look like that:
When it does, add the onions and wait until they look like that:
Now add the mushrooms, put the fire on low, and back to cutting shit! (Not you Rebo, I told you to stay away from knives for a reson! Geez...)
Once again, I asked my trusty girlfriend to take care of that. Because a good man is a lazy man.
Once you've sliced these carrots without mercy, throw them in the pot with the rest. It is now time to spice things up a bit. Let's get some alcohol in here!
Everything is better with alcohol.
Now, you just have to add the thyme, bay leaves (3-4 leaves will be enough), salt and pepper. If it looks like this...
You can put a lid on it and take a break. Put the fire on the lowest setting, and leave it to cook for at least one full hour. I usually let it at least two. These things take time, you know. Don't forget to come around once in a while and stir that shit up, you wouldn't want it to stick to the pot. (NO Rebo, not everything is better when sticky. If you followed a bit, you'd know I said it was alcohol. God damnit.)
We're close to the goal, ladies and gentlemen! Now for the second to last step: Cook the pasta. Once again, salt water, NO OIL. Please.
Once it's done, you just have to serve it, and enjoy. Serve it with lots of sauce, you'll soak it up with your baguette. (Of course you'd do that Rebo. Put that... thing away, you're going to make me lose my appetite.)
Aren't you drooling right now? Don't lie, I know you are.
Here we go folks, you can now impress the ladies/gentlemen with your delicious and classy fancy french cooking! (Just don't tell them that the recipe was invented by farmers a few centuries ago.)
Bon appétit, and see you next time!
• The alt-right's obsession with pedophilia
• Mueller Files First Charges
• Louis CK sexual harassment "rumors"
• Louisiana Sheriff sulks about releasing "good" prisoners...