NEW YORK CITY, NY -- A local man by the name of Tom Masterson (age 30) revealed today a great injustice he experienced during his time in the American education system. Masterson recalled the torment he had experienced at the hands of James "Jimmy" Wilkerson (then age 9), and admitted that the pain continued even into his adult life. On August 31, 1992, Masterson told us, Jimmy had called him "A buttnose". After this tragic display of verbiolence, Tom was left speechless, only able to go home and cry to his mother, who was unmoved by his plight. Masterson suffered in silence for years, but today, has finally worked up the courage to issue his response, which is quoted as follows in its entirety:
"While I am aware that you are, in fact, a buttnose, what, pray tell, am I, Jimmy?"
When asked for a response, Wilkerson, now age 32, looked at the ground solemnly, in thought, before looking up to this reporting and issuing his reply:
We thanked Mr. Wilkerson for his time, and, at his request, passed his response to Masterson. Upon request for comment, Masterson removed our crew from his house, slamming the front door, locking it, informing us that no one was home, and that we should "Go away". We remained outside the Masterson residence in an attempt to get a response, but only heard a grown man crying, accompanied by the sounds of an old woman scolding someone for "Being a big baby."