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Super Late Article
By FaceTheCitizen | 25th May, 2013 | 9:26 pm

Holy shit! I didn't write an article yesterday! Damn it, no time to send it to Orange or typical_michael for editing, I gotta do dis nao!!1!!

Okay, topic. Uh...what should I do? Oh, I know! Let me whip out my list of jokes.

1) LaChaise is sexy.
2) GlassjawGirl is a Decepticon.
3) X member is secretly evil.
4) Make fun of the British.
5) Tesseracts eats babies
6) Imply JugularNotch is an illegal.

Okay, here we go! Hello TCS and welcome to my latest installment of-

Don't do that. That's racist.

Whoa, who the fuck are you?

You don't remember me. We met long ago.

Excuse me?

I'm your imaginary friend.

I...er...what?

Sup?

So, you were real?

Yup.

But you were -

A baby. Nice imagination there, dumbass. Every five year old has a dragon or a knight or a Superman knock off for an imaginary friend, but you made yourself a baby. Not just that, but you named me Baby.

Fuck you, I was five.

Whatever.

So...how have you been?

Well, after you forgot my ass, I had to fend for myself.

How? You were a baby.

Don't question imagination logic. Anyways, I grew up on the hard streets of Imagination Land, cursing your name with every breath. I had to learn how to steal, how to fight, and black magic. Fun times. I had to fight dragons, mages, the po-po, and the leftovers of your unfinished stories. By the way, thanks for forgetting about Lightning Dragon.

Oh, you had to fight him?

Yea. You know how difficult it is to defeat a serpentine dragon made of lightning? Not fun. Anyways, I joined a mafia and I was placed in their mage unit.

I...I'm sorry, man.

Forget it. I'm over it. I figured I'd drop by and stop you from doing something stupid. And seeing as how I've seen everything you've done until now, it wasn't easy.

Oh...thanks, I guess.

...I go by Seamus now.

I like Seamus. It's a cool name...you're part of a mafia?

Eh, was. I quit.

Quit?

I killed the entire family. They tricked me to kill innocent people. I have standards.

Right on, dude.

...hey

Yea?

I bet Orange and Michael are pissed about the grammar and spelling mistakes on this article.

Hahahaha!

Hahahahaha! Whooooooooaaa!

Whooooooaaa!

Remember Melissa?

Melissa the private investigator I created?

I banged her.

No way!

Hell yes, son. Met her at the Social Cellar. Good times.

You dog! So...wanna hang out?

Sure.

I gasped. I stood on a cliff overlooking a forest with Seamus next to me. The dark haired man stood in a black business suit and a black fedora, both with purple stripes. He looked to me and smiled.

"An adventure full of gramma and spelling mistakes and corny jokes?" He asked.

"...fuck yea, son!"

And so, Seamus and I rode rainbow unicorns with manes of flame towards the nearest metropolis. We fought against assassins, wizard mob bosses, and other strange beings from the imagination of every single human being on the planet. We scored some crack, played some video games, and found out Seamus is in a healthy polyamorous relationship with Melissa (they told me they are still looking for a new partner. Even though they didn't ask, I politely declined). We got drunk and blacked out.

I woke up a day later back in the real world, depressed because I knew I would never experience such an amazing thing ever again.

That is, until I found Seamus' phone number on the back of a business card.

"...aaaawwwwwwwwwrriiiiiiiiight."

Tags: Personal perspective, Farce, Fiction 21


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