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La Fine Cuisine avec LaChaise: Revengeance
By LaChaise | Edited by NudgeNudge | 6th November, 2015 | 3:36 pm | La Fine Cuisine avec LaChaise

La Fine Cuisine avec LaChaise
Hello, ladies and gentl... Holy crap, has it been so long already?! Boy, am I red in the face.

Let's avoid wasting any more time, welcome to...

La Fine Cuisine avec LaChaise!

As an apology, I'll bring you some ultimate Frenchness today. Let's make some horse rôti!

So,it seems to be that horse meat isn't very popular at all in the English-speaking world. Well, I don't give a damn: horse meat is amazing (and I'm not saying this just because the French will eat anything). That said, if this is too icky for you, you can always replace the horse by some beef. You weakling.

For two to three servings, you will need:

  • about 700g horse fillet (or beef fillet. You weakling)
  • 6 garlic cloves
  • 400g potatoes
  • 2 shallots (onions'll do, but it's just not the same)
  • 1 bottle of red wine (preferably Bordeaux, though anything should do. Just don't throw Saint-Émilion or pruno in this, you monster)
  • bay leaves
  • olive oil
  • salt, pepper

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Step 1: plunge your trusty knife into the meat, creating what we call "holes in the field". I know, technical language right from the start. Bear with me.

Step 2: plunge your trusty (?) garlic cloves into your fillet's newly created orifices. Put the fillet in an oven-proof recipient, add about a glass of wine. Add salt, pepper and some bay leaves and let it marinate for an hour under some plastic wrap. Leave it outside, since it needs to get to room temperature (unless room temperature for you is over 30°C, in which case move to a colder place and start over).

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Step 3: dice the potatoes, mince the shallots.

Step 4: pre-heat your oven at 250°C.

Step 5: in the meantime, put the potatoes and shallots as well as some olive oil in a pan, and cook over high heat. Shake it up a bit every 2 minutes or so and reduce to low-mid heat when the potatoes start looking golden.

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Like this, but actually done well.
(Pro-tip: do not leave to hang out your laundry and forget about the potatoes. Crazy, I know)

Step 6: when the oven is hot, pour a couple of spoonfuls of oil on the fillet and put it in the oven. After 5-7 minutes, change the temperature to 180°C. Leave it to cook for another 12-15 minutes if you want it rare, 20 minutes if you want it medium, and more if you don't want us to be friends anymore (I'm only half-kidding here: a well-done fillet will be dry as hell and way too chewy. Don't do this to yourself). Add some wine over the fillet if necessary. I only do it once in the middle of cooking, you can do it more if you're less lazy than me.

Step 7: when everything is ready, let the meat cool down under some tinfoil for about 10 minutes.It should look like this:

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If it looks like this:

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or this (you weakling):

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...Something went very wrong. Don't ever try this cooking thing the hu-mans are all crazy about again. Also, what the hell are you doing with fellow TCSers, you brute?! Call the mod team, apologize, give back your badge and your weapon and think about what you've done.

Anyway, you should be good to go and impress (or disgust) your friends and loved ones!

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Bon appétit!

That's it for the horse rôti! Thank you for reading and see you (hopefully sooner) in another issue of...

La Fine Cuisine avec LaChaise!

Step 8: Go back to bed. The bed is your only friend. The bed is your home now.

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PRAISE THE BED.

Tags: La Fine Cuisine Avec LaChaise, Cooking, Real life 26


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