Register Login
The Article That Shall Remain Nameless
By JamishT | Edited by CarrieVS | 3rd July, 2015 | 8:05 pm

Names. We all have them (besides the child I keep in the basement), and they generally have some meaning or significance behind them. Generally. We humans like to dole out names like a sticker guy in a banana warehouse, and sometimes it’s hard to correctly guess the inspiration for those names.

Looking at you, bologna!

The Apple Lisa

In 1983, Apple rolled out the Lisa, the first Apple computer with a graphical user interface, with Steve Jobs having already abandoned it in favor of the Macintosh. Officially, the name stands for Local Integrated Software Architecture, but Jobs had a hand in naming the computer before being forcibly removed from the development team. He decided to name it after someone few people knew about.


Lisa Brennan-Jobs is a journalist and Steve Job’s first child. Oddly enough, Jobs was denying he was her father at the time he and her mother chose her name, but eventually the two became close. She lived most of her childhood with her mother, having to jump between wealth and not so much. It was years before Steve Jobs revealed it, but there is a computer named after an unwanted child.

Camp David

The second and last item on this list that is obviously named after someone is the Presidential retreat in NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS, TERRORIST. Technically, it’s called the Naval Support Facility Thurmont, but who wants to call it that? None of the Presidents.

”I wasn’t even President when this place became a thing, and I'm still appalled you expect me to call it that.”

FDR came up with the concept, design, and original name of the place: USS Shangri La, but President Eisenhower renamed it Camp David though only after almost closing it. I don’t know about you, but when I guessed at who Camp David’s namesake was, I thought it was King David from the Bible. That seemed logical because he is generally revered as a great king and military leader (among people who, you know, read the Bible). But it is actually a living person that the compound was named after.

All evidence points to it being this guy.

David Eisenhower is the President’s grandson, an author and professor. He was close to a Pulitzer for his biography of his grandfather and, of course, he married a President’s daughter. Otherwise, he has led a relatively low key life, but I’d be willing to bet he never got past the fact that his name gets said all the time when stuff goes down at Camp David.

Angel Falls

Angel Falls are found in Venezuela and have been featured in film, magazines, and sex act dictionaries, and seriously, they are as beautiful as angels. But they aren't named after the spiritual beings, and that’s because of white people. Of course.

Not even happy about it.

On November 18, 1933, James Angel flew over the waterfall for the first time, and recorded the sight in his flight log as, “FOUND MYSELF A WATERFALL.” Four years later, he took a group to go see the falls. He didn’t plan the landing perfectly, but all survived, a different way to say that would be that he crash landed, with no casualties. After two days of looking around for gold, the group left a note with the airplane and peaced out to the nearest village...which took several days. They were assumed to be dead, and the news of their safety and the discovery of the falls being broadcast together led to the name “Angel Falls” being bestowed on the 3,212 ft tall cataract. Today Angel Falls enjoys nature and Terry Pratchett novels according to my best guess.

Kansas City Royals

Let me get one thing out of the way: I hate baseball. Let me put one thing in the way: I love the Royals. I am a bandwagon fan of the Royals since they came this close to winning the World Series last year, and can still watch a game without becoming unbearably bored (but I still get pretty bored at times). But the baseball team that inspired Lorde to write that song isn’t named after the monarchies of old.

Yep, it was a show featuring the best cows.

The American Royal show has been going on since 1899 in Kansas City. Originally only the best Hereford cattle were shown, but by 2011 over a million dollars worth of cows were being sold at the expo.

In 1968, there was a contest to name the City's new baseball team, and the name Royals was chosen out of the 17,000 entries. The logo was designed by a local business called Hallmark Greeting Cards. The guy who put forward the name, Sanford Porte, said the inspiration came from Kansas City’s prominence in the cattle business, and while the team’s board voted 6-1 to approve the name, they definitely tried to push away from the cowtown roots of the name. I don’t think any Kansas City resident thinks about remaining a part of the largest barbeque competition (among other events) when they say they’re going to stay “Forever Royal”!

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go name a mountain after your mother, because of the resemblance.

That’s how you celebrate summiting Mt. Bert’s Mom.

Tags: Real Life 27

User avatar
You must be logged in with a registered account to comment on this article.
You can login or register if you do not yet have an account.
6 Comments Full Editor Submit Comment

<< < 1 > >>