3 Reasons Ghanaian Cinema is the Future
3 Reasons Why Ghanaian Cinema is the Future
When I was randomly trawling the internet one day, I unwittingly stumbled across the best and most brain melting action films the world has ever seen. Ghana, or “Ghallywood” as it’s now known, is the new home of the kind of 80s action films we all loved. I think these are the true spiritual sucessor to the action/unintentional comedy films that are the mainstay of all our lives.
So, right off the bat, let's get one thing straight: there's a ton of great thoughtful cinema emerging from Ghana. But as a film industry, in order to get the gems, you need to create a lot of stuff to fling at the proverbial wall. Every so often you get a diamond in the rough, and not always for the right reasons.
Final Fantasy exists because of...this
Cheesy Ghanaian action films surpass even the worst Hollywood efforts in every respect that counts. There's a flood of films you can find online that knock the socks off Hollywood action films, with much much less. It starts to make you think that these kind of action/stupidity films are a waste of money:
Still a better love story than Twilight…
1: Characters –
Let’s meet our first character example, this is Lan Di, the villain (?) from B14, one of a stable of films made, written, produced and directed by “Ninja”.
This face means she’s evil
Lan Di claims she was able to become a crime boss because she went to India and sat on a fire to become a man, and she also gained magic powers from this. She utilises these magic powers to sell cocaine in Ghana. But given her main competition is a child, I don’t think she’s been super-effective in this respect. But the true show stealer here is Scorpion:
No not this guy
This is Scorpion: a mishmash of the Matrix, Mortal Kombat and pure crazy.
Apart from being a martial arts expert, his list of superpowers include firing lasers from his fingers, the ability to throw fire from his hands, teleporting, and the totally legit not-at-all-stolen power to fling a chain spear with a metal bird’s head from his hand a la Mortal Kombat’s Scorpion.
Get over here… Aaargh! What the hell is that!?
But Scorpion’s list of powers leads us on to:
2: Effects –
The interesting thing about the effects in these films is that they are almost totally computer generated. This allows for utterly unrealistic, and hilarious, things like the trailer for this film: 12:00.
The least nonsensical thing about this is the name
All of the effects in these films are bad CGI, and I think this has opened up new possibilities that other films wouldn’t even consider. A rocket cycle, for instance, seems more like something that should have appeared in Farcry 3 – Blood Dragon than a feature film. But in Ghana, anything is possible. In what other industry would this be a legitimate scene?
Fire throwing never looked so good…
Like all good (bad) action movies, plot only exists to create conflict as an excuse to have people fight each other. In these films, plot is so obscure that it jettisons it completely, allowing the viewer to enjoy the fighting and magic powers without any pesky thoughts intervening. It’s the perfect popcorn experience, without the character angst or forced romantic components that Hollywood action films suffer from now.
3: Everything else –
Apart from the effects, one dimensional characters, and no discernable plot, basically everything else about these films surpass and out perform Hollywood action films in every respect. Watch this trailer and tell me you wouldn’t walk through fire to watch this one in full?
Aliens vs Predator, but with more explosions!
2016 is the upcoming action epic from Ghana, and features a minimum of 2000% more aliens, predators, explosions and copyright infringement. The trailer runs on the same principles, but ups the quotient of people throwing around exploding motorcycles. Note that the same cast from B14 are pretty much all present, because who wouldn’t want to be part of something this awesome?
So gentle readers, this marks the end of our cinematic journey, and the conclusion of my argument that Ghanaian cinema is the future. If you watched 2016 and don’t agree with me now, then please report to your local hospital, as you probably require a new soul.
To close, here’s a compilation of more insane trailers, my personal favourite is Ananse, the spider. Try to guess what that ends up being.
Viewers beware, some violent scenes, but mostly hilarious
• [Fate RP] Romance of the Three Kingdoms: CE189
• PALADIN 769: The River and the Wizard-Knight
• The Trump impeachment inquiry is underway
• Donald Trump tells congresswomen to go back