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How to Know If You Got Ebola
By FaceTheCitizen | 24th October, 2014 | 6:17 am | The Moped Insurgency

The Moped Insurgency
Hi!

Hi. I have some questions. See, with the recent outbreak of Ebola in West Africa and infected people entering other countries, I'm worried about getting infected. How do I know if I'm sick or if I'm at risk?

It's simple! I came up with a simple procedure to know if you're at risk.

Oh boy!

First question. Have you visited West Africa within the last few months?

Well, no-

Weeks?

No-

Days? Hours?

No, no, but-

Then you're not infected!

Okay, but-

Has anyone you know gone to West Africa?

No, but-

Then you're not infected!

But you're not taking my concerns seriously-

Have you come into contact with blood, sweat, feces, urine, semen, or other bodily fluids of a person infected with Ebola?

No, why-

Then you're not infected!

But-

Have you touched the corpse of someone who has died from Ebola?

N-

Then you're not infected! Were you a member of the medical staff treating the people who came to the United States or other countries with Ebola and did not take any precautions to prevent infection?

No. I don't even have a medical-

Then you're not infected!

But-

Has Ebola mutated into an airborne virus within the last few hours?

It could be possible-


HAS EBOLA MUTATED INTO AN AIRBORNE VIRUS WITHIN THE LAST FEW HOURS?

Gah! N-No!

Then you're not infected! Congratulations! You are not infected with a disease that's actually pretty easy to contain, trapped within a continent far, far away from you, and isn't contagious until the infected person starts showing symptoms.

Oh yea? If it's so easy to contain, then why is it spreading so much within West Africa.

Because of poverty, poor sanitation, and lack of medical staff and resources, you dick.

...

If you want to help and potentially save lives, donate to Doctors Without Borders or any other organization helping fight Ebola, such as AmeriCares, Samaritan's Purse, UniCef, or the Justice League.

Tags: Medical 27


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