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Spain is Different: Dali. Just, ALL the Dali.
By NudgeNudge | 21st February, 2014 | 9:37 pm | Spain is Different


Dali. Just, ALL the Dali.

By: NudgeNudge

Everybody likes art to some extent, or at least can appreciate the effort and praise the imagination of painters. But normally, these people aren't interesting enough to deserve a whole article. Unless, of course, they are really fucking insane. Dali was.

Art? Really? You are going to talk about art? I thought you were a science man.

I definitely am. What’s wrong about that?

Leave arts alone!

Featured: Art.

Shut up! Art is almost the least important issue here. I will talk about one of the most eccentric, weird and simultaneously great men of the 21st century: Salvador Dalí

If you are afraid of ridiculous mustaches, this is a good time to run away.

So Dalí, then...I don’t know what to ask.

Don’t worry, I already have a structure figured out for this article. Ask me about my experience with Dalí.

OK: What’s your experience with Dalí?

I’m not going to lie: when I was a little child, this guy freaked me out. I mean, look at that: those eyes, the stupid facial hair, that...face. It’s terrifying. In fact, I’m a little bit scared of him now, but I acknowledge his genius. I went to his museum, in Figueres, a few years ago, and I was blown away.

Oh, he has a museum.

Yeah, boy, does he ever. And what a museum. Let’s take a look at it.

If you are afraid of eggs decorating buildings, this is a good time to run away.

Its website describes it as the “biggest surrealistic object in the world”, and it’s impossible to disagree. The huge eggs on the roof, those aliens statues doing things with their arms, those golden...turds in the walls. And that’s only on the outside...

Pictured: courtyard

That’s where you buy the tickets. If you dare to, of course. Even that Cadillac is Dali’s work: it RAINS inside of it.

I’m beginning to understand why this guy was so insane.

The museum is full of some of Dali’s best works. Like that living room with the shape of Mae West’s face. Also Dali’s corpse.

He’s fucking buried in his own museum? Like, you can see his grave?

You can fucking STAND ON IT.

Because if you have been paying attention so far, pissing off his ghost is the safest thing to do.

So yeah, he was crazy. But, when you look back to his younger self, you can even understand it.

Why do you say that?

He was born in 1904, just a year after one of his brothers died at the age of one. His parents named the newborn just like his dead brother: Salvador. When Dalí was still a child, he was shown the grave of his brother and told that he was his reincarnation.

Fuckity fuck.

At the age of eighteen, Salvador Dalí moved to Madrid, where he studied with some of the leading figures of Spanish culture, like poet Federico García Lorca and filmmaker Luis Buñuel. He collaborated with the latter in some films, like the blasphemous feature “L’age d’Or” and the short “Un chien andalou”.

Starring Dalí as “Confused priest #3."

Both of them are “public domain”, I think, so if you’re really desperate you could consider them as options for “Movie Night”.

You’re sidetracking.

Yeah. So it was around that time when he met the love of his life, his muse, Gala. Dali’s father didn't see their relationship with good eyes, so the father-son link weakened. Of course, this might have to do with the fact that Dali had written this in one of his paintings: “Sometimes I spit with pleasure on the portrait of my mother.”


However, in 1931 he painted “The Persistence of Memory”, his most acclaimed work, and he became the master of surrealism.

Yeah, the “melting clocks” one.

Now I want to play a game with you. I call it “What’s not a painting by Dali”?

What an original title.

I know. I’m going to mention four titles. Only one of them isn't a Dali painting, you have to guess which.

    - Anthropomorphic Bread
    - Lobster Telephone
    - Dream Caused by the Flight of a Bee Around a Pomegranate a Second Before Awakening
    - The Great Masturbator

Now what?

OK. If you guessed “Lobster Telephone” as the correct was! It’s not a painting!

It’s also totally by Dalí.

This isn't Dali. It is Raffi. And I apologize for nothing. - ED

Well, I get it, he was a little bit crazy. But there’s no way he was actually like that. I mean, in interviews he tried to be calm and relaxed, didn’t he?

I’ve taken my time to subtitle one of his interviews, for the Mexican television. Judge for yourselves.

“¡¡¡EN LA COSMOGONÍA!!!”. Man, he was deluded.

He was too surreal for surrealism. In fact, he was expelled from the movement because he refused to publicly denounce fascism.

Oh, was he a Nazi pig?

I’m fairly sure he wasn’t. He didn't say anything because he believed that arts and politics should exist apart from each other. That’s where his famous quote came from: “I am surrealism”. He was right.

He also defended monarchy. And I mean monarchy as a system, not the actual monarchs. But, again, maybe he was lying. You should take everything he said with a pinch of salt.

At least he was a great painter.

And he didn't even think he was. He said: “I’m not a good painter. I am much too intelligent to be one. To be a good painter you must be a bit of a brute.”

Maybe have a cat, too. Throw some more cats in there. Aw yeaaahhh.

Well...I think I have nothing else to say.

OK, we’re finished then. But you should watch this video first. It’s from “What’s My Line”, an American TV show from the 50’s.

What’s it about?

It’s a fairly simple quiz show: some panelists have to guess the identity of the guest with their eyes covered, asking them “yes or no” questions. Add Dalí to that, and you have a classic video.

If we are to believe him, he was at least 500% better than Da Vinci.


Nudge is our Senior Crazy Spaniard Correspondent, and that's all we need to know. That's all we are allowed to know.

Tags: art, Spain 32

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